Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Haiku Live-Blogging The VP Debate

Lots of other bloggers will be live-blogging tonight's Vice Presidential Debate (including Boise's own Kevin Richert), and Fred Fry is even thinking about drunk-blogging it, but only here at TSSBP will you see Interweb history being made: the first ever live-blogging of a Vice Presidential Debate conducted entirely by haiku (seasonal reference-optional division). Here's an example of what you'll see exclusively at The Stupid Shall Be Punished if you come back after 1900 MDT:

"Senator Biden
Will win unless he teabags
Governor Palin"

(The particular circumstances of this debate -- having both participants with honorific plus last name being exactly five syllables, as indicated above -- makes this an easier event to haiku live-blog than most. Still, since this is the first time it's being done in the history of the universe, I don't mind having a lower degree of difficulty.)

I'll see you back here at 7 p.m. MDT.

Update 02 Oct 1858:
"Palin and Biden
Standing on a new red stage
Not kissing in tree."

"Senator Biden:
Bush econ worse than Hoover!
Hyperbole reigns."

"Biden's plan is clear
Attack McCain, not Palin
Not sure it will work."

"Senator Palin:
'Darn right!' She's very folksy.
Advantage, Palin."

"Biden whines to Gwen.
He has facts, but sounds whiny;
Talk to the people!"

"Governor Palin:
'Taxes not Patriotic!'
Is tax evasion?"

"The Bridge To Nowhere!
Biden mentions it before
Palin gets a chance."

"Senator Biden:
Calls some unpatriotic
Seems Dems do that more."

"Domestic questions
getting really boring, Gwen
On to better stuff!"

"Hey, did you notice?
Governor Palin sure does
Look like Tina Fey"

"Governor Palin:
Admits climate change real
Just not human-caused."

"On to better stuff:
Gay civil union rights, wow...
Palin is mainstream!"

"On to Iraq surge;
Palin somehow makes 'surge' have
many syllables."

"Re: Gwen Ifill book --
Now can't ask 'gotcha' question
Advantage: Palin"

"Senator Biden:
McCain voted against troops. (?)
Not believable."

"Senator Biden:
'Country north of Israel'...
Can't name Lebanon?"

"Governor Palin:
'Nuclear Weaponry' bad.
Never used phrase before."

"Palin has name gaffe:
'McClellan' vice 'McKiernan'
Biden whiffs on call."

"Gwen: 'Heartbeat away'...
Biden mentions Bush Doctrine.
What will Palin say?"

" 'Say it ain't so, Joe',
'Gosh darn it'; folksy meter
Pegs high for Palin."

"Governor Palin:
Now knows what a VP does --
Gets Senate gavel!"

"Biden: Cheney most
Dangerous VP ever!
But Burr treasonous."

"Biden chokes up, but
recovers with dignity
His "snowflake" moment?"

"Final question now;
Whose closing statement will have
Memorable quote?"

"Governor Palin:
Always proud American!
Quotes Reagan, good call."

"Senator Biden:
When knocked down, get up, thanks God;
No knockout blow lands."

"Final impressions --
Palin beats expectations,
Which were very low."

Update 2136 02 Oct: Getting away from the haiku form, here are some conclusions I reached about tonight's debate. While Governor Palin definitely exceeded expectations that had been about as low as anything I've ever seen, we really won't know until next week who "won" the debate. The people who really decide -- the American people -- won't really come up with a consensus until they talk about it at work tomorrow, and then talk about what SNL said about it when they get back to work on Monday. Gwen Ifill, because of the flap over her "pro-Obama" book that's coming out, wasn't able to ask any "gotcha" questions of Gov. Palin, and the controversy may have kept her from asking questions like "Do you support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage" that would have differentiated Gov. Palin and Sen. Biden on that issue.

Here's an analogy I've been using regarding Sen. McCain's pick of Gov. Palin for the VP slot -- it involves poker. Sen. McCain is an experienced politician, and he knew he was on his way to losing the election as we approached the convention. He knew he needed a pick who would "stir things up"; who would bring the conservative wing of the GOP back home and get the public's attention. Gov. Palin was really the only choice who fit that bill. Sen. McCain assumed that, as someone who won election as Governor, that she'd be a quick study in learning what she needed to answer questions from the national media. It's like Sen McCain was sitting at the poker table with the short stack, and went all in with an inside straight draw. He got no help on the turn (the first media interviews) and tonight was the river card. Maybe he didn't get the card he needed, but he certainly paired his high card; whether or not that is enough to win the hand remains to be seen. My guess is that it's not, and in 33 days people will be voting for the top of the ticket, like they always have, and Sen. Obama will win that one. Still, it was worth a try for Sen. McCain, and Gov. Palin did about the best she could tonight.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Biden tells best lies
Crude Palin cuts off his nuts
And wins by surprise

- Ajax

10/02/2008 6:44 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the words of the good Colonel:

"There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman you have to salute in the morning.Promote 'em all, I say, 'cause this is true: if you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by."

She is HOT!

10/02/2008 7:12 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This debate sucks. They're both boring as hell, rehearsed lines, rhetoric, catch phrases (these moreso from Palin), but they're both quite robotic. And Palin keeps staring at the camera, which is pretty creepy.

10/02/2008 7:18 PM

Blogger Dan said...

Palin has to get that shit eatin grin off her face.

10/02/2008 7:19 PM

Anonymous Drew NY said...

Neither Palin nor Biden has scored a direct hit yet. Both are coming off as composed and prepared

10/02/2008 7:41 PM

Blogger Fred Fry said...

Great thread.

Palin won this. Too bad she didn't debate in Haiku!

10/02/2008 8:58 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The debate certainly will motivate the Republican base. But I don't see it going much further than that. In fact, in most polls Independents are moving to Obama. Palin did better than most people expected. However, the story of the evening is that Biden gave the debate of his life. Independent voters are left to ask who they would want as VP if 911 were to happen. It is clear that Palin is just not there right now. She had a script she referred to which made her look mechanical at times.

I think that Palin will no longer be blamed if McCain loses the election. It's good news for her political future if she should run for President down the road. However, the debate wasn't enough to move Independents to vote for the McCain ticket. I felt sorry for her that she was having to defend McCain's policies that are so out of touch with the average American. She lacks a lot of deeper knowledge on the issues as well that made her look out of her league.

Just as the convention, I can see a slight bounce. However, come tomorrow when the topic moves back to the economy, McCain will have to do more than count on Palin to win the election. Biden was surprising tonight. He did exactly what he needed to do. If he would've lost this debate, that would've been a game changer. All polls have shown so far including most impartial experts Biden won. This debate will have little effect in the polls. But it did give Biden some needed publicity and a connection to the average person with his emotional words.

10/02/2008 10:29 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Palin's success lay in style, that she looked energized and confident, took the offensive, and never got totally lost - as she does in interviews.

On the other hand, she didn't answer questions and looked like she didn't answer questions. It's hard to score points as a reformer if, by the end, nobody can name a single policy you promote that differs from the current Administration.

Without that, calling your team "the mavericks" doesn't work.

10/02/2008 11:22 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The beauty queen kicked the ol' geriatrics ass! Why the hell did the old geezer keep smiling that goofy smile of his at? Palin? Did he want to lickity-lick her Alaskan salmon?

10/02/2008 11:32 PM

Blogger Jay said...

Huh? Biden winner? He's been looking for his hairplugs since about 10:00pm ET.

Palin still misses some opportunities to close in and kill Biden, but, hey, she's new at this, and admittedly, she hasn't spent 35 years learning senatorial obfuscating. Joe Biden is a nice guy, I like him. He's been wrong on a heck of a lot of foreign policy issues, and, if you think more government is the solution to all that ails this country, you're not ever going to vote for a republican anyway.

If this is Biden's best, does that mean he's been woeful in all his previous performances? I saw him in some of the Democrat debates, and I thought he was very effective when he was pointing out how dangerous Obama would be. Otherwise, he's really just a guy who likes the sound of his own voice.

I think Biden made a huge strategic blunder in more than twice trying to tie McCain to voting to defund troops, then launching into a senatorial explanation of how he did that (undermining his argument at the same time). No one is going to buy that argument.

He added some outright fabrications, but, as John Kerry would say, "That's just Joe being Joe."

And, Biden was pretty ineffective in his advocacy of Obama and attacks on McCain.

Boiled down, people watched this debate to see Palin. R's in the hope she improved on recent performances, D's in the hope she would crash, and undecided's to see whether she was this incoherent redneck they've been hearing about. 2 of those groups were pleasantly surprised and 1 is crying right now (you figure it out). Joe Biden was window dressing at this party. If he said anything, no one was listening (except me, lol).

10/02/2008 11:40 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would have prefered them debating in Dr. Seuss.

Kinda like:
One state,
Two state.
Red state,
Blue state.

10/03/2008 7:14 AM

Blogger Dan said...

I'm surprised Palin didn't correct herself when she said that the climate may have been "man-made." I would argue that it is "human-made," but it would have been a drinking moment if Sarah Palin corrected Biden by saying something to the effect that "well... what about women-made??"
At any rate, Palin looked well-coached, and it should make every citizen of the US nervous that one can simply be coached in a weekend to debate like a real politiican, a real politician vying for political control of our country and of our lives. Sarah Palin being in control of me?... no. It's not going to happen.

10/03/2008 7:22 AM

Blogger Submaster said...

"...not going to be in control of me..." Here is where you miss it. The government is NOT IN CONTROL of anyone, it appears your belief system is that you want government in control. As it is, government is trying to gain control and if you vote Obama, standby, because government WILL BE in control and say goodbye to freedoms you enjoy. Smaller and Less government is what is needed NOT more and bigger government.

10/03/2008 7:53 AM

Blogger a_former_elt_2jv said...

The debate would have been more exciting in iambic pentameter.

10/03/2008 8:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

USS Grunion is in the news:,2933,432102,00.html

10/03/2008 9:04 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's a "shout-out" for Gov. Palin. Go back to Alaska with it's 740,000 residents and keep your eyeballs peeled out over the Alutian Islands. Russki's need to have somebody watchin'em all the time. Never can tell, they just might want buy back Alaska. Damn Russki's! They're sure dangerous!!

My two cents, and keep a zero bubble.......


10/03/2008 12:33 PM

Blogger Port Tack Start said...

When we kicked -- along with France, we kicked Hezbollah out of Lebanon, I said and Barack said, "Move NATO forces in there. Fill the vacuum, because if you don't know -- if you don't, Hezbollah will control it."

That's where Biden lost the debate for me. He is supposed to be the voice of experience on the democratic ticket...and he's fabricating history. That is not a misspoken name. That is not a chronological mix-up. That is just straight-up wrong in every single aspect.

Palin may be inexperienced in the foreign arena, but I can't recall her making up a tale like that.

I can understand making up numbers (otherwise known as lies, damn lies, and statistics) and I generally give both sides a pass on that. Mixing up or straight up forgetting names, places and dates are things I do on a daily basis so I don't blink an eye when someone can't name a supreme court case or the country north of Israel. But making up history out of thin air just blows my mind. When did we even consider going into Lebanon to remove Hezbollah and replace it with UN troops to fill the vacuum?

Dan, DBF, or other Biden supporters, could you please:

Explain to me what he was really talking about in the above quote?

Why, between his idea of splitting Iraq into three countries and this recent bit of historical fiction, I should consider him better prepared to handle foreign issues than Palin? She may have no record of foreign policy, but he has a demonstrably BAD record...a fact I consider to be worse.

(here is the full quote to prevent claims of it being taken out of context:

Gwen, no one in the United States Senate has been a better friend to Israel than Joe Biden. I would have never, ever joined this ticket were I not absolutely sure Barack Obama shared my passion.

But you asked a question about whether or not this administration's policy had made sense or something to that effect. It has been an abject failure, this administration's policy.

In fairness to Secretary Rice, she's trying to turn it around now in the seventh or eighth year.

Here's what the president said when we said no. He insisted on elections on the West Bank, when I said, and others said, and Barack Obama said, "Big mistake. Hamas will win. You'll legitimize them." What happened? Hamas won.

When we kicked -- along with France, we kicked Hezbollah out of Lebanon, I said and Barack said, "Move NATO forces in there. Fill the vacuum, because if you don't know -- if you don't, Hezbollah will control it."

Now what's happened? Hezbollah is a legitimate part of the government in the country immediately to the north of Israel.

The fact of the matter is, the policy of this administration has been an abject failure.

And speaking of freedom being on the march, the only thing on the march is Iran. It's closer to a bomb. Its proxies now have a major stake in Lebanon, as well as in the Gaza Strip with Hamas.

We will change this policy with thoughtful, real, live diplomacy that understands that you must back Israel in letting them negotiate, support their negotiation, and stand with them, not insist on policies like this administration has.

10/04/2008 8:18 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Port Tack,
Please be advised that by bringing facts and logic into the discussion that you will surely be branded as a neo-con who only wants to perpetuate Bush's failed policies so that the greedy oil company and Haliburton execs can receive their golden parachutes at the expense of the average citizen who is facing foreclosure because of the predatory lending practices brought about by vast Wall Street ponzi schemes that were the brainchild of Karl Rove and other sinister characters at their monthly illuminati meetings.

You may also be accused of wearing baby seal fur.

10/04/2008 9:38 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The debate would have been a lot more interesting and fun if Sarah (wink-wink) Palen had debated John McCain.

My two cents, and keep a zero bubble......


10/04/2008 12:22 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Port Tack. It is obvious that you are a a neo-con who only wants to perpetuate Bush's failed policies so that the greedy oil company and Haliburton execs can receive their golden parachutes at the expense of the average citizen who is facing foreclosure because of the predatory lending practices brought about by vast Wall Street ponzi schemes that were the brainchild of Karl Rove and other sinister characters at their monthly illuminati meetings.

I bet you even wear baby seal fur.

10/05/2008 4:09 PM


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