Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Submarine Pranks And Unintended Consequences

I always loved good-natured pranks, but found that as the Eng I had to be very careful about not going too far. When I was doing NewCon on Connecticut, we had an electrician get a mild shock; he tagged it out correctly, and verified there was no AC voltage. Unfortunately, since this was new construction, the shipyard had hooked it up wrong, and there was a live DC line going into the cabinet, so he got bit. We filled out the Safety Center report and all the electricians learned to check for both types of voltage until the rest of the time we were in the yards.

When the next compilation of incidents message came out from the Navy Safety Center just as I was writing my Night Orders, I decided to have some fun with it. I printed out the message and put it in Word, then added a "bonus" lesson learned at the end that went something like this:

"Last but not least, on one new construction submarine, some EM was so stupid that he got shocked by DC in an AC cabinet. What a maroon! Only the dumbest electricians could get shocked by the wrong type of voltage..."

I sent the Night Orders down to the boat, and about 15 minutes later got a call from the EDO saying that we had some pretty pissed-off nukes down there. I explained what happened, and he got everyone calmed down. When I came in the next morning, my desk and chair were a mass of EB Green.

Anyone have any good stories about pranks you've seen that have gone awry?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not really a prank, but I used to spell and grammar check the back aft copy of the POD on a daily basis - and mark off points in red ink. The command would get some kind of pissed, but no one would ever rat me out. They finally got several proof readers to help eliminate the mistakes.

Once that fun was over, I took to taking the copy and wadding it into as tight a wad as possible, then opening, smoothing and replacing in the plexi-glass display case. They REALLY didn't like that "prank" - especially when it was done day after day . . .

9/09/2009 7:40 AM

Blogger phw said...


Here's a story, which I am mildly ashamed of.

I was a student at S5G, and I was doing a lab tech watch. I had remembered a certain lab instructor telling us to avoid getting a particular solution on our hand as it stains skin under light. As a joke, I thought would be funny to get it on his hand. So I managed to do so, except I put on the wrong petty officer's hand. Oops...

9/09/2009 7:45 AM

Blogger Brian said...

Fake orders to Yokosuka were always fun.

9/09/2009 8:09 AM

Blogger sigszilla said...

Now this is going to be fun!

9/09/2009 8:21 AM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

Sewed the legs of the XO's poopie suit shut one night on the midwatch. He couldn't prove that I was the culprit, but he didn't talk to me for a few days afterwards and I got the evil-eye more than once.

9/09/2009 8:23 AM

Blogger Chap said...

In prototype the mechanics had a prank fight going on, and one side decided to blow some stuff into the office to mess it up and make a good prank...

...except they used red lead.

Yeah, that decon wasn't cheap.

9/09/2009 8:27 AM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

SPEAKING of "prank fights", remember the one between HFR and MMC V?

9/09/2009 8:30 AM

Blogger Steve Harkonnen said...

USS LaSalle, 1992. I was the CWO up in radio. The guys who were going home on leave for Christmas were rubbing it in our faces a bit too much. Since I knew that British Airways was the only way out of Bahrain at the time, I decided to pull a prank.

I yanked one of the press releases from AP/UPI and decided to edit in a little story about British Airways going on strike, and how it would affect all flights worldwide during the holiday season. One of the guys up in radio saw it and he was PISSED.

I wanted to just print it out locally for the RM's in the shack to gloat over, but forgot that the NAVMACS system snatched messages up really fast and dumped them on MPDS where the message got distributed to ten different printers throughout the ship.

The CO even got on the 1MC to announce the bad news and that he'd do all he could to try and cirvumvent any leave issues.

Of course, with egg on my face I told the flag staff captain it was a prank - but he loved it...broke the news to the ship's CO who was really pissed off. They called that CO "Captain Caveman" because he used to have a bad temper.

I think back on that time and I think of a bubblehead like you guys, his name was Bob Torresin who was onboard with us in radio on that ship.

If any of you know a former RM named Bob Torresin, please let him know I've been trying to locate him after all these years. Bob and I got along great. I think he was in the fast attack boats - he was an RM like me.

9/09/2009 8:40 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This one almost turned bad.

During one refit in Holy Loch, it befell upon me to perform the annual greasing of the BQR-7 BTR gears one evening, after liberty had gone down.

As I was properly applying it with my acid brush, I got some of it on my knuckle. The aircraft grease used is a bright red. I thought to myself that might look like a nasty wound from a distance. So I dabbed a big glob of it there. I then bent my finger into my opposite hand, so it appeared as if my finger had been decapitated.

One of our QMs, Beau, was prepping charts at the QM stand. Knowing he was easily grossed out, I ran out into Control screaming in pain, brandishing my "decapitated" finger. His face turned white, and them mine turned white as my prank was about to backfire. Instead of puking, he ran and grabbed the 1MC. I stopped him just in the knick of time before he called for the corpsman.

He was a good sport about it, and we both had a good chuckle.

9/09/2009 8:55 AM

Blogger Chap said...

ANAV, I stayed far away from that one! Had to pretend I was a grownup on occasion, see...

9/09/2009 9:09 AM

Anonymous dm said...

Where's FTN when you really need him?

9/09/2009 9:16 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We were on Westpac when our leading QM got a postcard from the garage that had his baby, a 1960-something convertible, in storage. The postcard had a list of services they could do to the car while it there, paint, detail, etc. and then there was a box at the end that said "other". So we checked "other" and wrote "destroyed by fire".

Of course when he saw "destroyed by fire" he totally freaked out. Just lost it. We let him ride for about a week before we told him it was us but then he wouldn't believe us (I can't really blame him. We screwed with his head constantly).

Because he refused to believe us he paid for a plane ticket for his brother to fly from San Francisco to San Diego to physically check the car. He was a real tightwad too so that really burned his ass.

9/09/2009 9:32 AM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

ANAV, I stayed far away from that one! Had to pretend I was a grownup on occasion, see...

If the Dept. Heads were playing grownups, why was it always the ANAV providing the adult supervision? :)

9/09/2009 10:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

One Time at band camp.....

9/09/2009 10:25 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shortly after reporting onboard, a more senior JO advised me to deal with an unruly MM1 by simply responding, "Noted." Joke was on him (and the rest of the WR) when I couldn't get my EOOW/EDO block sigs for another three months...

9/09/2009 10:27 AM

Anonymous EM1(SS) '79-'85 said...

On the 655, rigging the AMR 2 head was always a classic. Keep in mind that the head also doubled as the decon shower. Close shutoff valve. Open cold water shower valve in the head. Wait for victim to lock door and get "comfy." Re-open shutoff valve. Not everyone found that funny for some reason.

9/09/2009 10:45 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've got to chime in on this one. I'm not going to go into too many details but I think my ustafish had some of the best pranksters on board.

#1. Sneaking into the Goat Locker a half hour before drill time and tying all the legs of their poopie suits in knots!!!

#2. Rigging one of them old "flash bulbs" to each end of someones rack curtains. When they try and open up their rack curtains it lights up all of berthing and they see spots for a couple of hours.

#3. Adding 1 TDU weight under someones rach mattress every couple of days. Keeps getting heavier and heavier.

#4. Sneak into berthing and cut about 1/4 inch off your LPO's belt every few days. He'll be visiting the Salad Bar a lot more often.

That's just some samples. I left out the really crude stuff that happened in the Sonar Shack!!!

9/09/2009 11:08 AM

Blogger John said...

A couple of Army pranks

1. Rubbing shoe polish on the gunners/commanders sight on a Bradley or M1. Raccoon eyes...bad for company commander.

2. Had a VERY hard charging but gullible junior captain who was a drinking buddy in 1st Brigade (we were in 2d Brigade) at FT stewart, GA. He was Brigade duty officer one night and across the street from his building was the parade field/helicopter landing zone. We called him from the O Club bar and said we were the Division Duty Officer. Ordered him to quickly mark the parade field for an emergency lift of 10 inbound CH-47 Chinooks (like CH-46s). He spazzed...broke into the S-4 office and grabbed a bunch of chem lights. When he was done the parade field looked like JFK INTL.

Real division duty officer called about and hour after we did and asked why all the chem lights were on teh parade field.

He took it pretty well.

9/09/2009 11:56 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On my pre-computer age boomer, the night orders were published in one of those green bound books, both the CO's and the ENG's. Some resourceful soul in M Div had a rubber "BULLSHIT!" stamp made up.

When the ENG wrote night orders that were of questionable intent or contrary to his verbally stated policies, a big red "BULLSHIT!" would magically appear on that particular item.

It was all fun and games until the red stamp appeared in the CO's night order book.

9/09/2009 12:06 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On Ustafish, one enterprising young EM2 decided he was tired of all the questions about what was wrong with the clothes dryer, so when the COW called back to maneuvering to ask, he reported back that it was the "bi-lateral mcfluffin rod". COW was like, mmmmmokay bi-lateral mcfluffin rod, aye...then EM2 got to go to control to explain to the old man just exactly what that was, since he was the one asking. Classic!

Same guy got to join a nub in control on another occasion so he could show him the steps required to blow the DCA. Another classic moment.

9/09/2009 1:06 PM

Blogger 630-738 said...

No one mentioned "dit-dot" bombs? Does no one remember how to make one?

9/09/2009 2:44 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think some pranks are urban-legendy, like when the "blue crew" removing the fluorescent lamp starters from the Rx compartment lights so that when the "gold crew" turns them off, they don't come back on. I have a hard time imagining someone being stupid enough to do something like that due to the immense reaming that will follow.

9/09/2009 2:49 PM

Blogger robbie said...

I'll tell a couple that were pulled on me:

1)Took them almost 4 hrs of scrounging around the boat to find a pen with blue ink to change the name on a letter addressed to me from
Robbins, J.P. FA to Robbins J.P. FA/SS. Oh, the shit I had to eat on account of THAT little prank. Bastards. Did get revenge 2 yrs later. The TM2 that started the whole thing (and who was my roommate at the barracks) went off to SEAL training...wrote to him and addressed the letter TMCS/SS. I doubt he enjoyed me returning the favor, heh).

2)Went looking for the explosive bolts at frame 57. What a dick. I blame the nukes for that one.

3)Headlights...what headlights????
Off I went with a 2nd class STS to Ops/ML to see the damn HEAD LIGHTS. I mean damn, Robbie. Sheesh.

Ones I pulled....

1)took the H.W. handle off the Officers shower. Oh how they cursed the S.O.B. that did that to them.

2)As AOW, during the mid-watch walking past maneuvering to check/log in the hydraulic power plant, I'd hit the bell in the overhead that signaled a change in speed. God, how the throttle-men hated ol' Robbie. Actually, I got along great with all the Nukes. When I was mess cooking and had to go aft to get TDU weights during one mid-watch, I was asked to bring back a pitcher of coffee and some cups if it wasn't a bother. Sure, no problem. Did so and while shooting the breeze across the chain, they were going to have to shim the rods to bring T-AV back into the green. Politely asked ifin I could do it (figuring I'd be told "Hell no, Crank"). Next thing I know, here's ol' Robbie, on the other side of the chain, fresh outta Sub School, complete with a dirty white tee-shirt and cooks apron from hauling rusty TDU weights from the ERLL bilges to the TDU room, shimming the rods. To this day, I remember all those in maneuvering, Officer and enlisted, who let me, a kid who had a hard time getting outta high school and constantly falling for stupid pranks operate a nuclear reactor. It's the second high point of my short 4 yr enlistment. The first was when Captain Broadfield, while doing man overboard drills for OOD quals for a JOOD asked me, the look-out on the bridge ifin wanted to conn the boat for the next pass on the cardboard box in the water (Hell yes Capt'n, I'd love to!!!!! I mean damn, who wouldn't!!!!!!)

3)On the periscope stand, there was a flip up/down seat in the corner. Took the seat off at PD and rig for red.....OOD liked to impale hisself as he sat down when the JOOD took over the scope (was hoping it was gonna be the JOOD). Felt bad enough that I told Mr. Hearding that I did it and that I was sorry. Got cussed out soundly for that one.

And the one that got me in the most trouble was when the XO pissed me off and I stole the seat offa the CO/XO commode. I thought the XO was gonna come freaking unglued over that one. A-Div Chief said to me "Robbie, I know that you had nothing to do with this, but please put the word out that the Capt'n would REALLY like his shitter seat back before the turn of the watch, no questions asked. He recommended that it be done during chow as both he and the XO will be in the wardroom discussing upcoming operations". Sure thing Chief...I'll get right on it. I know exactly who to talk to. Can't figure why they always came to me to get this shit straightened out. heh.

9/09/2009 3:32 PM

Blogger Srvd_SSN_CO said...

Just before deployment LELT gets married. During deployment LELT gets zero famgrams (yes, this is an SSN) and he was not taking it well. Never mind that most of us never got them. Anyway, another MM1 ELT makes the point of walking up to the LELT every time some fam grams come in and says, "Hey, I got my famgram, how's yours?" Knowing full well the LELT had not received one. This had the desired result of massively depressing the LELT and apparently filling him with some irrational worry.

This was all just typical submariner poking at weakness, but then the LELT finally cracked and we had to pull off station because he was 'suicidal.' I think the MM1 wanted the LELT job more than he wanted to punk the LELT.

9/09/2009 3:57 PM

Blogger Srvd_SSN_CO said...

Ooooo I forgot this one from my first boat.

One guy liked to sleep completely in the buff, with his curtain open, on top of the covers. He also snored loudly and slept VERY soundly. His habit of constantly having his junk on display rather quickly pissed off everyone in the vicinity, especially the poor bastards doing wakeups.

Well, one day someone tied a piece of string around his junk while his slept. The other end of the string was tied to a wrench. After ensuring the wrench was ice cold, it was placed on his chest. He immediately awoke, threw the wrench, yelped, untied the string, and started wearing boxers when he slept.

9/09/2009 4:01 PM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

No one mentioned "dit-dot" bombs? Does no one remember how to make one?

Master of Dit-Dot Bombs reporting as ordered!

Da Weps (don't ask), Nav-Div LPO and me, 3-section Nav-Sup on mission. Part of their pre-watch tour was searching the overhead and wireways for the thread I used (see my earlier post about sewing the XO's poopis legs shut) to rig certain items to trip a bomb. I got them more than they found them. All time favorite was rigging the top drawer of the QM Stand to trip a bomb strategically placed between the port and stbd plot tables. QMOW knew it was rigged so as soon as the weps asked for something out of the get the idea. My unrealized goal was to rig the door to Radio, but never could stay covert long enough to righ it up!

9/09/2009 4:27 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd be careful telling the "Rod Shim"'s probably B.S. anyway, but that kind of talk can only lead to trouble.

9/09/2009 4:47 PM

Blogger Lou said...

I think some pranks are urban-legendy, like when the "blue crew" removing the fluorescent lamp starters from the Rx compartment lights so that when the "gold crew" turns them off, they don't come back on. I have a hard time imagining someone being stupid enough to do something like that due to the immense reaming that will follow.

What is not urban legend is pulling all the starters in MAN just before crew turnover...

I'm surprised that no one mentioned applying neolube to the EOOW's handsets. As EO, I would mess with the EOOW by hitting the 7MC button on the MC box when he wasn't looking.

9/09/2009 4:49 PM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

I'd be careful telling the "Rod Shim"'s probably B.S. anyway, but that kind of talk can only lead to trouble.

Always wanted to play TH and stop the shaft for training. Wanted to trip the SCRAM breakers too. Neither happened. EDMC's have NO sense of humor :)

9/09/2009 4:54 PM

Anonymous STSCS/SS Ret. said...

No one mentioned "dit-dot" bombs? Does no one remember how to make one?

We used to rig them in the overhead of Sonar above the open microphone. Before going to PD, the Sonar Sup would have to twist the speaker to turn up the volume. A whole box of did-dots would immediately pour down into the output of the ventilation duct and cover all of Sonar.

Didn't go over too well with the WEPS and CO in the shack one day!!

9/09/2009 5:05 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


One of the A-Gangers strategically placed a condom (un-used) into the vanilla pudding on the mess decks. He pushed it down into the bowl so it couldn't be seen. A few scoops later and ----- Voila!! Caused quite a ruckus!!!!!

9/09/2009 5:08 PM

Anonymous STSC said...

Some simple and relatively harmless ones:

Inport, clicking the 7MC footpedal twice covertly as the BDW is taking his round as the BCP. Repeat every 30-45 seconds until he catches on. 27MC w/ an accomplice from Sonar also works well.

Doubling the fun is swapping the JA/2JV handsets beforehand (those cords are almost always ratnested anyways) so he calls MAN w/ "Belowdecks" until they call forward & call him an idiot.

Calling away a G.U.eleven or a Bravo-One-Zero as the classification of a contact w/ a new OOD.

If those worked, recommending a baffle clear to course 365 & hearing the OOD give the order to the helm over the open mike would make everyone in the shack smile.

Sending an FNG aft w/ a dustpan & foxtail to sweep the baffles.

Then sending the same guy aft w/ a plastic bag to take a portable air sample.

On the old Sonar systems, there was a button that could be pushed (Comp Bal) that new operators would call out active Sonar that didn't really exist. Also worked on junior OOD's too!

I vividly remember being told to grease the deck clips on my first boat by a PO2 and getting handed a grease gun. I was certain they were messing w/ me for quite awhile until someone actually showed me the PMS card.

I was also a victim of comp bal.

Ditdot bombs over the Sonar door were a running theme for awhile (section vs. section) until the XO opened the door to Sonar right around watch relief time.

I was also guilty of taking the XO's doorknob as a young STS3. So much easier than taking the door & just as annoying. We returned the knob after being threatened w/ Field Day but then took the door (leaving the knob on his desk). XO ordered the Field Day (we complained that we followed his orders...) and he never found the door - which was in the Goatlocker the whole time being balanced on the laps of the Chiefs at the table. Not a whole lot of cleaning occurred but we eventually put the door back while he was looking at messages in Radio so the oncoming guys could get some shut-eye. Quite proud of that one.

Grease pencil on the scope eyepiece at night while at PD is a great time-delayed laugh after the boat dives & the lights come bak on.

Good times!

9/09/2009 5:35 PM

Anonymous Laughter in Manslaughter said...

So this one nub kept on leaving his quals out despite constantly being reminded to put them away. So one day as SRO I found his quals sitting there on my EO chair with him nowhere to be found. Acting quickly, I printed out a second set of cards, then shredded them. I hid his cards, then put the shredded ones in a bag and called him to maneuvering. I tossed him the bag and told him that since he obviously didn't care about his cards he could start over. He tried not to cry as he left maneuvering with his bag of shred. Ten minutes later the RCA and EDMC were in there to chew my ass and I had to do some quick talking to explain the joke. The RCA thought it was funny at least.

And then there was the time I left a noose with instructions on how to use for the Throttleman because we all hated him. Lots of khaki pants didn't like that.

9/09/2009 5:38 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kind of similar to the previous comment.

Another officer that was doing a proficiency scuba dive decided to leave his clothes in my rack after he changed into his wetsuit. That was fine except for the fact that he placed his sweaty/dirty shoes sole down on top of my pillow.

So I hid his clothes in a locker, left a note on my rack that he could find them at the bottom of the Hood Canal, then left the boat.

The funny thing is this same guy got pretty worked up about others leaving their clothes on his rack. His wife left her jacket at a JO's house after a wardroom function. The JO put the jacket in his rack. When he saw the jacket he got so mad that someone would put clothes on his rack that he threw the jacket in the trash. It was funny watching him dig through the dumpster at the end of the day when he found out he had thrown his wife's jacket away.

9/09/2009 6:08 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On ustafish, TM1(SS) Major Dumbshit was 'prepped' by his shipmates (incl. the COB) for his upcoming wedding by way of silver nitrate on some very private parts.

Went real a non-funny TM1 used everything...and I mean everything, including try and reverse the blackening effects. Ended up with some substantial chemical burns, and the head doc at the local Naval Hospital blew a gasket. End effect was the torpedoing of several careers, incl. that of the TyCom-tier COB, who was otherwise a major good guy.

And thus the name of Joel's blog comes to mind.

9/09/2009 6:44 PM

Anonymous Carl said...

While in the shipyard, I recall messing with the test engineers by nailing their boots to the bottom of their desks. Also, filling their hardhat with water and putting it in the freezer. All mid-watch stuff but entertaining.

Mild by comparison to other stuff, though.

9/09/2009 6:52 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We used to put gay porn mags on the COB's rack. There never seemed to be a shortage. Every now and then one would show up on the XO's rack with pictures of the COB's family used as a book marker.

Never really questioned why the magazines were on a submarine at sea?

Some things that make you go hmmmm?

ps. the word verification is 'pussi"!

9/09/2009 7:39 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh that reminds me, at NPUT Chas on the mid shift one time (pre-students I think) we krazy-glued the E-div maintenance chief's coffee cup to his desk. The next night we came in and the locks were changed on the maintenance office door....we couldn't go back in there until he was convinced we wouldn't screw with his crap...whadda baby that dude was...and he had this coffee-cup-sized ring on his desk where the fake woodrgrain formica or whatever it was lived before it became part of the bottom of his coffee cup.

9/09/2009 7:45 PM

Blogger Steve Harkonnen said...

Well, one day someone tied a piece of string around his junk while his slept. The other end of the string was tied to a wrench.

I laughed so loudly on this one that I nearly crapped myself and my wife wanted to know what was so funny.

"You squids are sick people" but I reminded her that this was coming from the bubbleheads - damn, I wish I went subs, you guys had tons of fun!

9/09/2009 7:59 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was my first underway on the UstaCity. I was a STS1 who was coming off shore duty at a training command. The sonarmen were an unruly bunch who was led by one STS3 who thought he ran the division.

In the overhead is a vent cover we would remove and put in sodas or candy bars. One day, I went back after I got off watch to retrieve my King Snickers bar and found it gone. Well this smart ass STS3 started laughing and said the standing rule was if you left it there, its free game. I countered that rule with one of my own...leave my stuff alone.

So sure enough a few days later, the same scenario and the same missing snickers bar and the same STS3.

So fool me once, same on you; fool me twice shame on me; fool me a third time and you become the fool.

So a few days later, same scenario, snickers bar and STS3. He was laughing his ass off till I showed him a picture of a king snickers bar with my crank resting on it. Hmmm...he stopped laughing and then started again saying I didn't have the balls. So i told him to retieve the wrapper and look for the scotch tape on the under fold.

Needless to say, he was pissed and the division was laughing at him and soon, the boat!

When he whined to the CO, CO said better keep his hands off my stuff. Never had a problem with him EVER again!


9/09/2009 8:11 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

FNG reports to "lab" back aft for a check-in signature. FNG was told that the on-watch ELT was probably testing something or other so go and just open the door. FNG was VERY astonished to find a naked ELT with his poppy suit around his ankles with another sailor on his knees facing the ELT, both with a look of shock and horror on their faces. The FNG turned white and took off forward smartly.

This was probably the first and last cooperation we had between sonar and machinery div.

Here’s another good one during new con. A 23 yr old newbie was sent to the adjacent boats machinery div to copy their Fallopian Tube Tech Manual as we had not received our copy yet. They also had a hard time locating theirs, and sent some time between different divisions to see if they had seen it. He had no clue.

9/09/2009 8:23 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On the ustafish (682) during an refueling overhaul (88-90) in Puget Sound Naval Shipyard (PSNS) I had duty on Saturday, along with this TM1. He was watching a SY worker putting his toold away at the end of the shift. He noticed the ST worker only moved one number on his brass 4 digit combination lock. So he went around to other locked tool boxes and found that maybe 80% of them were only one number off on the dial. So he proceeded to switch lockes around the boat.

The CO was quite pissed off when the shipyard lost a work day and maybe about 1,000 man hours of work because of the lock switch. needless to say, the TM1 checked many tools boxes and never found another one that was only one number off.


9/09/2009 8:27 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

One particular mess cook had a problem waking up for his watch. His cohorts got together and as one slapped the sleeping guy in the face with a warm mayo dipped hot dog, the rest greeted him with a view of them with their Johnsons in hand!

9/09/2009 8:46 PM

Blogger 630-738 said...

Gotta admit, the wrench on the junk story is my favorite! I really wish we had thought of that on one of my boats, we had a guy just like that. All we did was give him a good whack in the junk with a clipboard every time we did wakeups. He got the message, eventually.

Oh that reminds me, at NPUT Chas on the mid shift one time (pre-students I think) we krazy-glued the E-div maintenance chief's coffee cup to his desk. The next night we came in and the locks were changed on the maintenance office door....we couldn't go back in there until he was convinced we wouldn't screw with his crap...whadda baby that dude was...and he had this coffee-cup-sized ring on his desk where the fake woodrgrain formica or whatever it was lived before it became part of the bottom of his coffee cup.

I like this one. I was Plant ELCPO on 635 when the IC-516 barge had to be rigged for hurricane. The on-shift E-divers rigged my office with acres and acres of EB Red, including at least 3 rolls on my coffee cup. I had to be told what was in the tape ball, I laughed damn hard at that. I still have the tape ball to this day (although my wife threatens to toss it out all the time).

9/09/2009 8:48 PM

Blogger 630-738 said...

Dammit. I meant IX-516 barge.

9/09/2009 8:49 PM

Blogger Yukiko said...

My memory is going to hell, so the time on this one may be a bit off.
Sometime in '84 someone at Squadron sends a young'un down to the Barbel (SS-580) looking for RCP gaskets.
Geeze, I was on the boat a bit over 4 years and never got the tour of the Engine Room that they gave this guy.
They drug this dude over and around all three Diesels and through the bilges. Hell, he probably got a tour of the Motor room bilge.
M-Div finally sent him back to tell Squadron we didn't have any.

Was he really that dumb or was he just looking for time out of the office?

9/09/2009 8:55 PM

Blogger Yukiko said...

Where the hell did that come from.
Must have screwed up that account!

Ken in Yoko.

9/09/2009 8:56 PM

Blogger Patty Wayne said...

My first underway was 64 days of slow turns, during which I qualified throttleman. Yes, I know that's kind of backwards, but all of the nukes had a pipe dream of going 4 section when we got back to Pearl and needed another qualified throttleman... but I digress. The EOOW in my section kept harassing with me relentlessly for entire watches for days on end to the point where the EO, RO and ERS who hung out at the maneuvering room door were getting tired of it. I was not yet used to the games of extended underways. The ERS went to the back door of maneuvering (637-class) and stole the EOOW's shoes. He gave the shoes to the wardroom steward. When the watchsection was getting relieved EOOW noticed that his shoes were missing. He tried blaming me and when he realized it couldn't have been me he tried to keep the watchsection from being relieved, which got the EWS involved and EMC(SS) "Fat Max" did not miss meals. We were allowed to be relieved minutes later. When the shoeless EOOW got to the wardroom there was all of his fellow O-gangers eating. His place was saved, in between the CO and the Eng and across from the XO, with his shoes on a plate.

A few months later, in port, I was assisting my fellow E-divers on replacing an MG bearing. We had just started unbolting the end bell when I was sent for "relative bearing grease". Okie Dokie! I was the RPPO-in-training and wanted to make a good impression. About an hour later the Bull Nuke, an EMCM(SS), found me in the torpedo room with a SIB and a piping tab. He asked me why I wasn't in AMR2LL helping. I explained my task and he was happily surprised that I was using the time to qualify. Master Chief told me to send them his way if they gave me any grief, then told me to go back aft and tell them that the SK was sending me to Supply (wiki wiki) to get the grease. Wow were all of the EM1's p1ssed when they found out the prank had been reversed, but I got an air system checkout.


9/10/2009 12:54 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We all know and love the "XO door" prank. Its great fun underway. But when a division officer decides to take it inport, during a liberty port, it doesnt end to well. Not to mention the damage caused to the door by the hidding place.

9/10/2009 1:53 AM

Blogger robbie said...

anon sez: "I'd be careful telling the "Rod Shim"'s probably B.S. anyway, but that kind of talk can only lead to trouble."

1)If it was bullshit I wouldn't have used my real name.

2)This happened over 30 yrs ago, those that were there are now out of the Navy, the boat it happened on has been scrap since '94, so my small A-ganger brain is telling me that it seriously doubts ifin NR is gonna go back to check WHO THE FUCK WAS ON WATCH THAT MORNING.

sorry for the rant....ain't had my morning cuppa joe yet.

Y'all have a great day!

9/10/2009 3:02 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Hot cup of coffee balanced on the chest of the guy who never wakes up for watch.

2. Mail buoy watch. It is amazing how many fall for that one on the sub.

3. Red ink on the coffee cup while wearing the red sunglasses.

4. The old fashioned relative bearing grease.

5. Adding baseball results to the newsfeed, then betting on the results.

6. TDU weights under the mattress.

7. The "Ghost" in AMR2LL. From the horrible accident back in the 60's, then turning out the overheads.

8. Water/stuff down the voice tube to LL.

9. With seals aboard, taking out all the flourescent tubes in the missile compartment and playing Rambo. Each player gets a different color grease pencil. The looser is the one that can't see his neck.

9/10/2009 5:25 AM

Anonymous former ANAV/COB 758 said...

Hope you don't mind several!
1. On my 1st ship DLG-34 standing MOOW, the OOD sent me down to the messdeck for a cup of coffee. I made it to the messdecks just as the cooks were making a new pot (huge coffee pots with overhead wter supply). As they pulled out the coffe grounds, there appears a pair of USED boxers with stains and chunks. Wonder how that coffee tasted. After that, it was 20+ years before I ever drank coffee on a Naval vessel.

2. Did you know you can stuff 11 guys into a shi##er stall on a 637 strech?

3. Nuke drills during a fast cruise sux for us coners. During a fire drill, one of my QMOW's sitting at the chart table (637) w/his EAB on, fell asleep. The drill was over for about 10 minutes, with the entire control room party watching the QMOW sleep, we un-pluged his EAB. Nothing funnier than seeing a pair of eyes shoot wide open to the size of platters and wondering why everyone is doubled over in laughter.

9/10/2009 5:35 AM

Anonymous Ex ANAV said...

In 1979, on USS SPADEFISH, the CO decided to have a crews picture taken. The uniform of the day was Salt & Peppers w/combination caps. One point to add, this picture was taken 2 days before Halloween and a week before getting u/w for mission of national importance. Just as the photographer on the O-God level of the tender snapped the picture, my buddy and I slipped on full head halloween masks. His "long John Silver, mine, a green face with a knife sticking out of the neck. The photog sees whats going on and takes the picture. Time warp forward 1 week, manuevering watch set, the CO sends the XO to the tender to get the pics, enough to distribute to the entire crew. Manuvering watch secured, piolting party stationed w/me onthe scope, I hear from the CO'strm "G-D Damn it, XO get in here". My heart sank, I knew what he discovered. For the next hour, he and the XO took a siling list and checked off all hands that could be identified inthe picture to figure who the masked men were. All the guys standing around the masked men were identified and poulled into the XOSR for an interview. By the time it was over and after 16 threats to the guys of "if you don't tell me who it is, you are going to mast", I was handed a report chit. Art 134, Improper wearing of a unifor during an official ships picture" BTW, my cohort xfered to Bangor. As I prepare to walk in the ward room for my mast, the Eng stops me and said try this defense, Humphery Boigart said it during the Cain Muntiny, "an act done on impulse, instantly regretted" Sounded good to me. When it came time for me to speak, I said those words. Did not realize the CO could jump so fast and so far across the table to get in my face to scream at me. In the corner of my eye, I see the eng in an uncontrollable fit of laughter. After the CO calmed down, he found me guilty and finded me $50/month for 2 months. I still have the pic framed in my house. My buddy, when the Bangor CO got the report chit from the Spadefish CO, he called in my buddy, handed him the pic, told him how cool it was and tossed the report chit.

9/10/2009 5:49 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ex anav, pretty dang funny. You KNOW it was an awesome prank when you feel fear when someone figures out you did it, or when you end up with NJP because of it.

630-738, I posted the NPUT Chas story. Your story seems familiar to me, were you there before 1992? It's always possible that history repeated itself though.

9/10/2009 7:46 AM

Blogger 630-738 said...

Nope, I was at NPTU Charleston from 02-26, and retired there. In 26 years of service, it was my only nuclear instructor tour. I'm sure I'm not the only guy whose coffee cup was encased in tape, though.

9/10/2009 7:53 AM

Blogger 630-738 said...

JEEZ, my typing's getting bad! I MEANT 02-06.

9/10/2009 7:54 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I meant NPTU, not NPUT...although I like NPUT better I think.

I'm surprised that the IX-516 is still in service. After Hurricane Hugo, that POS ended up a ways upriver and had to be towed back to the site and repaired. Those were the days.....

9/10/2009 8:35 AM

Anonymous tmarks11 said...

MS's were TDU weighting the chops rack during deployment. Adding a couple weights per day. After about 6 weeks of this, the chop pointed out to them that he didn't have a rack pan on his bunk....

The commo drafted fake orders for one the JOs that sent him to prototype (instead of the promised sweet ROTC job). Almost the whole ship was in on the gag. He was one pissed-off dude for about a week before the XO finally broke the truth to him.

Of course, that was back in the days before email would have let find out the truth from his detailer...

Did anybody mention the XO's door mid-deployment fun?

9/10/2009 8:41 AM

Anonymous Jim Armstrong said...

USS Pollack (SSN-603) on patrol, July 4, 1976. Midwatch. The Engineer comes aft to Maneuvering, and decides we're all going to celebrate the 200th Birthday of the U.S. of A. He turns off the lights to ERUL, and we turn on all the alarm horns and lights. Great fun! Until he goes to turn the lights back on. The light switch breaks. And, of course, we have no replacements for it on board. So, we lucky E-Div people get to spend the rest of the day jury-rigging a fix.

9/10/2009 9:47 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The Babe ALNAV"

Around 88-89, a lonlely P3 jock was on midwatch. After hearing him talk about another girl as "a babe", a female watchstander had complained that he never called her a babe.

So, our fearless flyboy, drafted an alnav, and meant to use the WMMCS pass thru to print the "fake" message. Unfortunately, he also injected the message into the AUTODIN system.

All was fun an chuckles until the pentagon watch section called in and asked what was going on. The "fix" was to send an ALNAV CANX whose only purpose was to bring attention to the initial faux pas.

A few years later, I found a framed copy of the "Babe ALNAV" at Bethesda Naval Hospital.

9/10/2009 10:07 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not a prank that went wrong but only too well...

On TUCSON during her shakedown ops in the VACAPES we had a young officer affectionately known as "El Rata Blanco" for obvious reasons. He wasn't the sharpest nuke in the world and, well... he was an annoying JO.
As silly a prank as it certainly is, I started shoving a TDU weight under his mattress daily while he was on watch just to see what I could get away with. Amazingly, this went on for at least three weeks until he loudly announced in the wardroom to all assembled that he must " ill 'cause I can't seem to lift my bedpan anymore." We all looked at each other and simultaneously broke into howls of laughter. The Captain, a truely fun CO, quipped that the young JO was remarkably obtuse and pointed out to him that someone was having rather good sport at his expense. At the time, no one knew who the perpetrator was but after "Blanco" left the wardroom, the CO asked me if I knew who was "weighting the pan" to which I replied, "surely the CO knows all?" He smiled back and remarked that it might be awhile before the young JO qualified aft.


9/10/2009 10:39 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ditdots can be alot of fun during crew turnover. After my last patrol on a Trident was finally over and we finally heard "Gold Crew...Relieve The Blue Crew" over the 1MC, I snuck down to the feed station and filled the air horn with ditdots.

The only thing I regret is not being on board to see watchstanderss face during the next start-up when the first alarm came in, and it was "Happy New Year!" in ERF.

9/10/2009 11:46 AM

Blogger 630-738 said...

WCC, you missed a really great opportunity to sum up that prank. After he comments about being unable to lift his bed pan, the next step is to remove all the TDU weights, and watch him try to knock the bunk above him off with his new "Superman" strength!

MS's were TDU weighting the chops rack during deployment. Adding a couple weights per day. After about 6 weeks of this, the chop pointed out to them that he didn't have a rack pan on his bunk....

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are!

9/10/2009 11:47 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of our Nucs went to mast on the Chicago when he decided to take the "dit-dot" concept a bit further. On his last day before transferring he strategically hid some of the little milk carton containers of BB's in the overhead of the Engineroom. First angles and dangles at sea and the bilges were filled with thousands of BB's. I guess they eventually found out who did it and he was punished at his next command. The Sound Silencing program went right out the window for awhile.

9/10/2009 11:51 AM

Blogger 630-738 said...

Ditdots can be alot of fun during crew turnover. After my last patrol on a Trident was finally over and we finally heard "Gold Crew...Relieve The Blue Crew" over the 1MC, I snuck down to the feed station and filled the air horn with ditdots.

When CALHOUN came out of Charleston Naval SY in 1986, a new EAB manifold box had been installed in Manuevering, sans new EAB manifold. Essentially, it was a locker mounted in the overhead, with a hole in the top. Yep, a ripe opportunity (remember, in those days we had cover doors over EAB manifold lockers in Maneuvering.) An enterprising Blue Crew member had gone on top of Manuevering and filled that locker completely up with dit-dots. Eventually, curiosity got the best of one of the Gold Crew (my crew) RO's, and he opened the locker. He looked like he had been at a NYC ticker tape parade, just not as happy.

Dit Dot Bombs: Nearly every CPO onboard CALHOUN in the 80's got one in his rack. The COB was the best. It was rigged to his rack curtain, aimed right at where he would normally stand when jumping in. Sure enough, that night while the flick was burning in the crew's mess, a blood-curdling "G_D D_MM_T!!! was heard from the Goat Locker, and the COB came storming in to the mess, flipped on the lights, standing there in his tighty-whiteys covered in dit-dots, demanding to know the name and whereabouts of the culprit. Ear-splitting laughter was heard throughout the boat. He calmed down, took it well, and only made us clean up the mess before resuming the flick. We had good times on Johnny C.

9/10/2009 11:56 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

In my first days on the boat I was shown the FWD ET's "test equipment locker" located deck-level, almost centerline in a closet off the C.O.S.R. beside a shower. It took about 15 minutes to remove, inventory and repace the bulky, battered "assets" to check serial numbers.

Thankfully over the coming years, no PMs or troubleshooting required the junk from the packed locker. We stored high tech stuff in the Yeoman's shack (where our radar power supply was located).

The only operations ETs on the boat when I had reported were two temporary "volunteers" drafted from reactor land (great guys, by the way).

Reading comments above, what must have been going on becomes plain. The junk had been rejected from aft of the frame. Bogus storage provided reasonable access for pranking certain officers.

-Don Argent

9/10/2009 12:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Standing QMOW on the ustafish on midwatch. Dimming the red lights on ESGN after taking a round to make it look like it crashed. Then telling ETOW that ESGN just crashed. You want to see a look of shear and utter panic. Was pissed at me for a couple of watches afterward.

9/10/2009 12:35 PM

Anonymous Jack Brewster said...

I had the "your car was destroyed by fire" prank pulled on me. They strung me along for days - man I was pissed when I found out.

Best one I pulled on the usta: We had battle lanterns rigged up with horns for drills. It was the same horn that the oxy gens used for their alarm.

So one day, right after one of my buddies qualified as oxy gen watch, I fired off the horn (I was on the level above watching him) and he nearly crapped himself trying to start an emergency shutdown. Fortunately, another buddy was down there to stop him and let him know it was a joke.

When he looked up the ladder and saw me there with the horn, he got the killer look in his eyes and came after me.

Thankfully, he came to his senses enough to recall that he really shouldn't leave his watchstation and he cooled off by the end of his watch. Definitely owed him a beer after, though.

9/10/2009 12:49 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, Unintended consequences....
A few months ago my OIC LDO LCDR was submitting his retirement papers. He had 28 in so they could hold onto him for 2 more years. He was worried about getting orders to DTRA ALBQ. I created a hotmail account with the address of Bupers.Millington and the subj line was Official Officer orders. So when it showed up in your email it looked like it was sent Via NREMS and was from Bupers.
So I cut and paste him some orders to DTRA and sent them off early one morning. I went in early to make sure I kept him from calling the detailer. Well I expected him to blow up when he read the orders. Nope, he just cooly picked up his phone and when I realized what he was saying was " Is Ed in? I just recived a set of orders I wasn't expecting." So I told him to hang up and I would explain. It went over well.

To combine urban legend with dit dot bombs. The Blue crew MT's on the day of turnover removed all of the starters in MCC. Then they tied the back of the MCC door to the light switches. When we shut the door out go the lights. They had very helpfully left a note telling us where the starters were under Fire Control in the paper locker. They had rigged up a dit dot bomb on the inside of it. very good stuff!!


9/10/2009 1:30 PM

Blogger Lou said...

Anonymous at 9/10/2009 5:25 AM said...

7. The "Ghost" in AMR2LL. From the horrible accident back in the 60's, then turning out the overheads.

8. Water/stuff down the voice tube to LL.

9. With seals aboard, taking out all the flourescent tubes in the missile compartment and playing Rambo. Each player gets a different color grease pencil. The looser is the one that can't see his neck.

Were you on the 645???

9/10/2009 1:33 PM

Blogger SJV said...

Used to be that a certain set of rings on the ERF growler meant that sample bottles (ERF used to do secondary water chems) were available at the ladder after RT watch drew them. We'd ring the growler, then wait just the right amount of time for ERF to walk over to ladder and look up for bottles. Met him with cupful of cold water right in the face, usually.

9/10/2009 1:36 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha did anyone see the first story on the link to the Navy Safety Center that Joel posted?

Down South Carolina way, an electronics technician third class was walking along a passageway in a training support building. He was studying his qualification standard and was so engrossed that he hit his head on an emergency lighting fixture. The fixture had been fitted with a foam pad, but a sharp corner was still exposed.

effin' nukes!

9/10/2009 2:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


Nope. All those were from 611.
You know, the good ooold days.

9/10/2009 2:18 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe someone beat me to the Babe ALNAV! That was an awesome prank - I swear the RMOW did that "on purpose by accident," because the aviator (Bob something?) talked to him beforehand to ensure it would just be a loopback so the message looked official. The female was LT Cathy Cease (CTF-66) and she was a good sport about it - stuck up for him when he went to Admiral's mast. I have a hard copy of that message somewhere in a trunk!

9/10/2009 2:57 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had an XO on ustafish that told me the only way I would ever leave the boat was if I got TRIPER'd off (the TRident Planned Equipment Replacement program). Unfortunatle y for the XO, I knew the MLPO at PMT pretty well. We generated an official (letterhead and all) notice requiring replacement of the MLPO at the earliest possible opportunity.

That's the only thing hanging on the wall....

9/10/2009 3:15 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last Westpac we put our COBs car up for sail on Craigslist and put his cell phone number in the ad. He drove a nice Camaro and we listed it for like $5K. When we finally pulled in he had about 500 voicemails on his cell phone!!!

9/10/2009 4:02 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On 735 we had a brand new jg who was living in crews berthing. About three hours after diving, the jg is in the rack (what the hell was he thinking). The TM1, who was in the same bunkroom, puts on a Stenke hood, climbs into the shower and gets soaking wet. He grabs a battle lantern on his way back to the bunkroom, turns on the lights, rips back the bunk curtain, starts prodding the jg and yells, "Sir are you going with us?" Bunch of us are peering into the bunk room laughing our asses off. Until he sits up so fast he almost knocks himself out on his bunk light, cutting himself pretty bad.

9/10/2009 4:07 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Posting your name, "robbie," means nothing. A-Gangers are wannabe mechanics and always have some bullshit story they made up about how they could do nuke work if they wanted...

I don't think you were shimming anything other than your own pecker while you were cleaning the san tank.

Keep dreamin!

9/10/2009 5:10 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

D.C. shore command setting: MT3 Nub doing grunt work for MT1 was given the admin task one day of going off to medical for his "slit lamp and a pap smear test."

MT1 had a near-perfect poker face, but MT3 picked up on some vibe and finally stammered out: "I ain't got to go get no slit lamp test!" After being rest-assured by a number of senior submariners that he did indeed have to get a slit lamp test, off to medical he goes like a good boy.

Next time we saw him, he was running full speed in the general direction of the MT1 with his fist cocked full back...which is, of course, where the story pretty much ended.

9/10/2009 5:34 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

To anon @2:00pm: If they are talking about the support facility I think they are, then I know exactly which lighting fixture they are referring to. I've always wondered how many people have received a major headache from that thing.

9/10/2009 6:26 PM

Anonymous LT L said...

Usafish tied to the pier for some random month-long upkeep, standing EDO after hours. We had an ENG that was not just useless as a Naval Officer, but possibly the most worthless human being I have had the misfortune of encountering (System 8008). In a fit of misplaced levity he adds a handwritten note to the ENG Night Orders: “Watch where the huskies go, and don’t eat the yellow snow.” The duty section rolls their eyes, initials the night orders, and forgets about it.

About 1930 the skipper, who has absolutely zero sense of humor, wanders down to the boat for a surprise visit and grabs the night orders. He immediately turns red, grabs a blue sharpie and writes furiously, and locks himself in the stateroom. Oh shit. The handwritten note is now lined out and initialed by the skipper, in marker. Fifteen minutes later a call goes to Maneuvering with the CO demanding my ass in the wardroom right f’in now.

“What the f—k is in the night orders?” XO is there now as well with a rather a pissed off look on his face. “well, the normal stuff we reviewed during the nightwork meeting and a stupid handwritten note from the ENG.” The captain explodes “do you really think you’re gonna pin this on the ENG you worthless !@#&%@%!#%!” (I was well known for a “lack of formality”; I was also known as “the guy who gets the impossible done ”; no correlation). No way I’m going to let the ENG get away with this, so I continue to truthfully deny, and the skipper gets angrier and angrier. Finally I put it out there: “I would never disrespect the memory of Mr. Frank Zappa by misquoting him like that.”

Captain looks at the XO, XO looks at the captain, captain looks at me. “What?”

“That’s an attempt at quoting a Frank Zappa song off the Apostrophe(‘) album, the first song of the ‘Nanook Quadrology’ and the first song on the album. It’s wrong. It should be ‘Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow’.”

Captain looks at XO, XO says “LT L has been wrong a lot of times, but he has never been wrong when it comes to music. Ever.” I offer to grab my iPod and play the song in the wardroom. Skipper looks at the night orders, looks at me: “call the ENG, have him report to my stateroom right now, don’t tell him anything else. XO, meet me in my stateroom.” It was one of the best phone calls I have ever made.


9/10/2009 7:41 PM

Blogger SJV said...

One time on the ustablog we would put up the same post twice in a month or so and see how many people noticed....

9/10/2009 8:30 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

A prank that might not meet the awry criteria: Before each of the builder’s trials during the 726 new construction at E.B., one of the civilian inertial engineers would come to our space to check on how his company’s equipment was operating just before we would get underway. He would always leave when the announcement came that the brow would be removed in 5 minutes. During one of the sea trials he came down to check on things as usual when he was jumped by several of the guys who promptly taped him to one of those bolted-to-the-deck chairs in front of the navigation control console using E.B. green tape. Several wraps of that were impossible to break. Then one of the guys went to the back of the space and used an MC circuit that only went between NAV and MCC and made the announcement that the brow would be removed in 5 minutes. We watched him squirm in a terrified panic, especially when he realized we weren’t going to cut him free. After several minutes he finally realized he’d been had when we couldn’t contain our laughter any longer. He never trusted us after that, always watching his back, and was always kind of jumpy when he came down to check on things. Good engineer, though, especially when the SINS went down hard. ET(SS)

9/10/2009 10:04 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On Ustafish, a Eng. qualified LT who was short onboard and in the Navy was underway as OOD. The old man came into control and asked him, "Well Mr. X, what are you going to do when you get out the Navy?"

LT answered, "Fucking cartwheels, Sir".

Our next underway he was standing EWS 3 section.

9/11/2009 8:10 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

A question for those who have served as Commanding Officers, do you like, dislike, or are you ambivalent about the fact that you are/were referred to as "The Old Man" by your crew?

9/11/2009 10:59 AM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

A question for those who have served as Commanding Officers, do you like, dislike, or are you ambivalent about the fact that you are/were referred to as "The Old Man" by your crew?

And I'll ask a similar question along the same lines: What about being called "Skipper"?

I've noticed most of the submarine CO's dont (appear to) mind, but it drives the skimmer CO's ('specially the CG O-6's) batsh1t.

9/11/2009 11:50 AM

Anonymous LT L said...

A question for those who have served as Commanding Officers, do you like, dislike, or are you ambivalent about the fact that you are/were referred to as "The Old Man" by your crew?

So I've been an Ensign for about 72 hours, standing outside the MOI's door, letting him know what I'm doing that day and say something like "...and the skipper wants me to...". The Captain (really good guy) hollers out of his office next door "Please don't call me skipper, I hate that."

"No problem sir!" To the MOI "So the old man wants me to..."

"LT (ENS) L... skipper is just fine."


9/11/2009 2:08 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If a CO is pissed about being referred to as the "Old Man" or "Skipper" - both quite nautical and proper terms for a Commanding Officer, he should look in the mirror and get over himself!

Could this advice have saved the USS ANNAPOLIS (SSN 760) CO from being fired yesterday? Doubt it!

9/11/2009 7:39 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here are some pranks that I can discuss..

1. When I was a wee nub, a senior M-Div MM1 explained to a gullible young striker how the Emergency Reactor Core Ejection system worked. I don’t know where he got it, but the SN produced a system drawing for the Emergency Reactor Core Ejection system. Impressed with his level of knowledge, the MM1 directed the SN to explain the system to the EDMC. The EDMC was not amused.

2. During half way night, a EM1 thought it would be funny to open the emergency escape hatch from the Chief quarters to SES and dump a bag of shred into the chiefs lounge. It would have worked out well except for the fact that the CO was sitting under the hatch having a conversation with the COB. The CO was not amused.

3a. The maneuvering area watchstanders wanted some coffee… so the ERS in an attempt to be helpful offered to get it for them. He mixed half of the coffee with brine from the evaporator. The Throttleman took a sip of his “Coffee” and stopped… the EO chugged the whole thing down and promptly through it up. The EO was not amused.

3b. The EO was not too happy about this… so while off watch, he took the poopie suit of the ERS, took out all of the things from the pockets, soaked it in water and put it in the freezer. –10 degrees will make a poopie suit as stiff as a board. The ERS laughed his ass off.

Very Respectfully

9/11/2009 7:43 PM

Anonymous WarrenH said...

Once I convinced a nub that a five gallon can of amine was actually a five gallon can of external hydraulic oil.

9/11/2009 10:00 PM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

Could this advice have saved the USS ANNAPOLIS (SSN 760) CO from being fired yesterday? Doubt it!

Whatchutawkinbout, Willis?

9/12/2009 5:49 AM

Blogger fromthe60's said...

New EOOW standing first qualified watch, the MANEU. watch standers had of course rigged MC systems and phones for NEW GUY. A cigarette falls into the BUTT KIT that is mounted between RPCP and EPCP. The EOOW decides to use 2MC to announce "FIRE IN RPCP BUTT KIT". He gets through "FIRE IN RPCP" and notices resonance is not as usual for a 2MC announcement. Before he has figured out what went wrong,(7MC selected on box), every KHAKI not on watch FWD was at the MANEUV ROOM chain. His requal was to write the "SUBMARINE INTERIOR COMMUNICATION MANUAL", which was used Fleet wide from the early 70's through 83. May still be in use.

Yes I let a non qual "A Gang" shim the rods.

9/12/2009 11:07 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Could this advice have saved the USS ANNAPOLIS (SSN 760) CO from being fired yesterday? Doubt it!"

I heard the same thing, heard morale was down even at the DH level, COB getting relieved too.

9/12/2009 2:40 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the TDU weight stories.

On the Usafish (651), we had a LT JO who was a weight lifter. He was really cut. We were underway heading to the NP. The ACINT rider heard some commotion in 9 man and commenced to watch them put a few TDU weights in the LTs bedpan. Well this went on for a for a while.

The ACINT was getting ready to hit the rack, when he saw the LT come in, grab his rack pan and lift it up like it was nothing. The ACINT figured the LT had maybe 10 TDU weights in the pan. When the LT left, curiosity got the best of the ACINT and he lifted up the matress and counted 27 TDU weights. He as amazed how the LT would life it up like it was nothing.

ACINT told the COB about it and had the MSs (then) remove them all.

Later after watch, the LT came in to get something, lifted the pan and smashed his fingers. The ACINT overheard the LT mumble to himself about Damnit, they removed the weights. Come to find out, they thought they were playing a joke on the LT and the LT was using it as exercise.


9/12/2009 2:57 PM

Blogger Gary said...

I filled out a request chit for sound powered phone batteries and dropped it into the EO's box, the next day I get called to the Captain's cabin, searching my brain to figure out what I did wrong, I went in and the EO is standing there sheepishly and the Captain asked me if had I filled out the request for the batteries, I told him I had as a joke.
He told me the joke was that the EO signed it and sent it to supply!

9/12/2009 5:18 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


"Could this advice have saved the USS ANNAPOLIS (SSN 760) CO from being fired yesterday? Doubt it!

Whatchutawkinbout, Willis?"

Yes it's true and official this past Thursday evening, and the ANNAPOLIS Wardroom and Crew's morale is soaring. CAPT Mike Holland (past CO of PROVIDENCE) relieved him.

Surprised that no PA announcements posted yet. Probably will wait until 'til the relieved CO "Breaks Contact" and interest dies down since this is another classic case of a screamer (aka, I've got an identity crisis, or Napolean Syndrome) bluffing his way through the system, despite plenty of evidence he shouldn't have even screened for Dept Head.

The relieved CO makes the fired guy from USS HAMPTON look like a saint!

Any thoughts or insight from the crew of Orphan Annie?

9/12/2009 5:31 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess this is Brunner? Too funny that I am watching the military channel right now and Brunner is on this show about undersea warfare with the USS Annapolis.

9/12/2009 8:09 PM

Blogger DDM said...


The moderator and I had a CO who hated that term. He said Skipper was a Fat Fu#$ on Gilligan's Island. He also hated brown shoes for submariners so the CPO mess gave him a pair as a going away present.

On 633, we had serial pictures under the plastic label plate wars. One underway, we (blue crew) found porn pictures labeled "Gold Stud, Blue Slut" and stuff like, "See what we're doing to your wives while you're gone". An EM1 gave us a magazine that allowed us to put "Gold Stud, Gold Stud" on the labels. We were sitting around patting ourselves on the back when someone asked, "Hey EM1, why do you have that magazine in the first place?" Luckily he had a thick skin.

9/13/2009 8:22 AM

Blogger Roy said...

Okay - two pranks. One I pulled, and the other was pulled on me.

The first one, 1977, I was the below decks watch on the US Grant, while in the shipyard in Newport News. It was about 2:00 AM and the boat was nearly deserted. (We were using an office barge at the time.)

As I made my rounds, I would go into the wardroom and remove the starters from the light fixtures one or two at a time. Over about an hour or so, I managed to get them all - even the ones above the counter and the ones in the pantry.

Then I waited for the most opportune time.

Eventually, I was relieved, hit the rack and then got up the next morning for a typical yard workday.

One of the typical yard workday things was the morning all-officer wardroom meeting with the CO, XO, COB, and yard ship-sup. It was typically a packed venue.

While the meeting was in full swing, I nonchalantly loitered around the Ops/middle level passageway, waiting. Sure enough, the coast was eventually clear. I quickly cycled the breakers to the wardroom lighting panel and then made my escape out through the missile compartment and the machinery one hatch.


I never did get caught for that one. But they tried. Oh yes, they tried hard to catch the culprit. They even talked about getting NIS involved.

The second one happened while I was on the James Monroe.

I was in sonar and needed to talk to one of my PO2 colleagues, whom I knew to be in the crews mess.

I picked up the Dial-X and dialed the number for the crews mess:

"Torpedo room, Roberts speaking."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to dial crews mess"

...I hangup and redial the number.

"Maneuvering, Petty Officer Evers."

"Oh, sorry, wrong number."

...perplexed, I dial again.

"MCC, Kitchens speaking."

"Shit! - something's wrong with this damn phone!"

...I dial yet again"

"Sonar, Davis here."

"Damnit!, I'm IN sonar!"

I rushed down to the crew mess to find about 7 or 8 people all guffawing at my expense.

Yeah, they got me good. But I warned them: I never get even, I always get ahead.

9/13/2009 12:43 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've seen that Dial-X one several times and even fell for it at least once. That one was always good for a few laughs.

It wasn't a prank, but we E-divvers were pretty proud of it. Coming out of a PSNS overhaul, we were extremely heavy in E-div - almost double the normal manning. Not sure how that happened, but it was great while it lasted. Anyway, we needed lots of storage, but where do you find that on a fast boat? We simply removed locker labels from personal storage lockers in various bunk outboard bulkheads, created new labels, and put new locks on them. It was about two years before a new COB inventoried locker spaces and figured out someone had been had.

9/13/2009 9:38 PM

Anonymous Wow Gold said...

nice blog.

9/13/2009 10:41 PM

Anonymous Wow Gold said...

Very Nice Blog.

9/13/2009 10:42 PM

Anonymous ex-Anav (668, 669, 679, 682) said...

Two more to add:
1. Nothing funnier for the crew to walk up to the brow on a boat inthe yards and see a "For Sale" sign hanging fromthe sail. CO wasn't amused.

2. Mid-watch standing dive (inexcess of 800'and faster than 20 kts), the 21mc comes to life Control topside, please plese send up some wet weather gear". Sounded pretty good since the culprit was flapping his finger over his lips making his voice sound as if he were under water.
Haven't seen too many posts about trim parties. The best ones are under-ice since the boat is in such perfect trim.

9/14/2009 5:47 AM

Blogger Rudder Amidships said...

While on the 728 eating chow, as an MM2, got into a conversation with our leading first and an ELT about how I had a shipmate dump water on me in the head in boot camp.

Turns out our leading first had to go to the head and was going to be there a while. So... the ELT thinking it would be funny to recreate the scenario, went back to the ship's laundry and filled up a bucket with water...cold water. He then proceeded to dump it all over the MM1. As the MM1 was in the stall and could not see out, he magically assumed that it was me.

BTW, when you pull a prank like this, it not only gets the person wet, but renders all the TP in the stall useless. Apparently, the EM1 in the next stall refused to share his.

It took me longer than normal to qualify ERS on that boat.

AND...for the record. Burns... it wasn't me, it was Chandler.

9/14/2009 7:36 PM

Anonymous valve replacement said...

Complex control systems using valves requires an automatic control based input of an actuator. The actuator strokes the valve allowing the valve to be positioned accurately and allowing control over a variety of requirements.

9/16/2009 12:59 AM

Anonymous EX ANAV said...

The previous comment sounds like a whole bunch of "1x10to the minus 9th" stuff. WTF???

9/16/2009 5:36 AM

Blogger phw said...

It's an spam-ad... They want you to click on the name to go to the MEA website. Companies get free advertising on this website, unfortunately.

9/16/2009 7:34 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On Hawkbill we had an Engineer nicknamed the Moose (he went on to become an Admiral, go Moose). Any way, he was a big gangly bastard. So, we had this mutant genius in RC Div who was a true craftsmen, he carved a Moose-stamp out a boot heel. We used that stamp on all sorts of stuff, drove the Eng batty looking for it. Minor seditious behavior like that kept us sane and was well tolerated by the CO. He got 3 Battle E's in a row so that made him happy...

9/16/2009 8:13 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

one of my favorites, I found this on the EM log though, so I dont claim credit:

It may have just been my second boat, but we had some unnatural fixation on taping things to the shaft. If you left something unguarded in the engine room, and someone else wanted to “stow it for sea” for you, chances are you’d find it securely affixed to the shaft with enough EB green to mummify a nub.

But all of that stopped for good after The IC Div Incident.

One fine fine Navy evening, IC div was back in shaft alley, troubleshooting one of their circuits and basically getting in everyone’s way. Somewhere around midrats they made the mistake of leaving their toolbag behind when they went up forward to eat. One of the mechanics found it, and, with an evil glint in his eye, set about rounding up every roll of tape in the engine room.

He and his brethren spent the next twenty minutes taping each and every tool in IC div’s bag, plus the bag itself, to the shaft. This was made easier by two things: One, they’d posted a watch near the tunnel, and two, we’d been going 2 knots to nowhere for the last few days. When they were done it truly shattered all records for number of items taped to the shaft at the same time. Those of us who were privileged to see it stood in awe.

We were just settling in to wait for the IC guys to return from chow when, for no apparent reason, the bell suddenly changed to ahead flank. As everyone scrambled around to answer it, a loud “clangggg” rang out from middle level. The tools were flying off the shaft in every direction, much like five pound bullets.

The mechanics frantically tried to get the rest of them untaped, while dodging the ones that had untaped themselves, as the shaft sped up. They managed to do it, but one of them ended up with a broken finger as a souvenir. Luckily, nothing (and no one) else got broken. Most everyone on board knew what really happened, but the command officially accepted the lame-ass excuse they came up with for the injury.

As doc always says, horseplay leads to sick bay.

9/17/2009 7:37 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

71-72 mid-life overhaul of SS-580 at PHNS. Following fast cruise, night before first sea trial, big official looking sign topside near brow stating "If you are riding SS 580 on sea trials, call xxx-xxxx." I got home and called the number. It was dial-a-prayer. Couple of yard workers riding the boat didn't think it was so funny.

BTW, when we came out of the yard only two of us qualified as diving officer and chief of the watch. We did the entire deep dive, seven hours straight with a piss can and a couple of sandwichs. Off lookouts were not happy about dumping the piss can after use. Sure got everybody laughing and commenting when you hear that piss stream going into the can.

9/18/2009 2:29 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any more news on Annapolis? Any official news release??

9/19/2009 8:16 AM

Blogger phw said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9/19/2009 1:38 PM

Blogger phw said...

The only thing I have heard about Annapolis comes from anonymous posts. The story lacks credibility.

9/19/2009 1:55 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

CAPT Mike Holland is the CO of USS ANNAPOLIS, so the story has "Credibility".

As for the departing CO, word on the street is that convenient "Shoulder Pain" made his departure a bit less public.

Great way for a CO to avoid a deployment over the holidays and avoid getting a "DFC".

What a disgrace...

9/19/2009 2:00 PM

Blogger phw said...

At the risk of repeating myself...

9/19/2009 2:07 PM

Anonymous subdude83 said...

Wow - phw what are you trying to hide?

Don't try to stifle the intent and exchange of views on TSSBP. After all, it's Bubblehead's 5 yr anniversary.

I'd personally like to hear more from the anonymous bloggers, as long as it's unclassified and accurate!!!

9/19/2009 7:56 PM

Anonymous Silent Service said...

phw said

"At the risk of repeating myself..."

THEN DON'T!!!! STFU! Go sinker! - oops - that's a bit undesired for our surface breathen.

Silent Service

9/19/2009 8:07 PM

Blogger phw said...

I am all for anonymous posts with accurate and unclassified information. This is thread on practical jokes. An anonymous poster(s) posts information that is not in any other place I can find. It's not credible. It might be true, it might not be. Don't be offended-- you likely know more than I since I have been out of the Navy for a long time.

Perhaps Joel will confirm it...

9/19/2009 8:55 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tied up to the tender in Holy Lock, it was just another refit morning. Normally the Below Decks would pass reveille over the IMC. Normally, people would slowly fall out of their racks. One of the guys had his wife staying over in Dunoon and they had a portable tape recorder. He had his wife record reveille in her sexiest and most sultry voice. It went something like, “Reveille, reveille all you big boys!” Then he had one of his shipmates run it over the 1MC before the below decks got up into control. He ran it and ran like hell. He wasn’t caught. Everyone got up quickly that morning – just like General Quarters. The wardroom was not amused (that they’d admit to the crew anyway). XX(SS)

9/20/2009 1:23 PM

Blogger The Pool Guy said...

I was Will Rogers Gold Crew back in the 70's. We were on a Christmas patrol. The Blueys had unrolled the roll of BQR-2 BTR paper to a point they thought we'd be at somewhere around Christmas Eve and had the artist in their gang draw a picture of a can of Budweiser followed by an inscription about all the things we were missing being at sea on Christmas, talked trash about our wives and girlfriends, etc. Standard Ration, you know?

But they forgot about Fast Speed BTR's coming to PD and how much paper that burned and so we saw it way early, spoiling their Christmas surprise.

9/21/2009 4:54 PM

Anonymous ET1(SS) said...

Ok I haven't seen these yet

- sending a random noob to look for the sound powered phone batteries

- likely sending same random noob to feed the shaft seals

As a young RD Div member, I went through a run where I would seek out sabotage and return to hiding my ROs plastic cup. This sabotage entailed drilling holes, melting with heat gun, smashing with fire ax and many more. The final prank was was just be for liberty call in Ft lauderdale where I Superglued the lid on. He found it mere moments after I completed the work, popped the lid off and commenced to pressure testing with his mouth! The entire department cracked up and he ended up having to shave his mustache.

Taping a TM3 to the ceiling outside 21 man berthing then being caught during the finishing touches by the CO and Squadron CO. Master Card moment... being told "Great Job, carry on"

Hooking a megger to a pair of trash grabbers and the handrail. Fulfilling a request to deliver said grabbers to ER FWD watch while the Aux Elec. cranked away!

Water fights between ER UL, ER FWD, Aux Elec and Reactor Tech. Having to stop because of low grounds. :-(

Biggest flop
Attempting to tape the EOOW to the railings between the SSTGs. Upper level, Aux electrician, Reactor Technican (me) ERO and ELT couldn't get enough EB Green around his wrists to hold him down. Big guy was able to break 3 and 4 loops. We had to give up because we were worn out.

Yes I let a non qual crank shim the rods, the dude brought us cookies every mid-watch!

9/23/2009 12:42 PM

Anonymous nukelizard said...

Back when bubblehead was my Engineer, there was a coffee mug war. We had exhausted all the normal additives: dit-dots, pubes, pH indicator, etc. Then a young EOOW decided to drop a steamer in the AEA's coffee mug before watch, covered it in Saran Wrap and put it back in the mug locker. Score one for the JO. Except for the members of the duty section doing the 'towel dance' with the JO's pillowcase after watch every day until return to port. Didn't tell the JO why his pillowcase smelled funny until years later when he was a detailer...priceless.
Joel, remember the Blair Witch Ornaments during PORSE?

10/04/2009 4:15 PM

Blogger Old Boater said...

SS-582, mid 80’s, I had just made EMC and was standing EWS.
In Maneuvering we had a “White Rat” that allowed us to overhear all sound powered phone conversations.

Onboard we had a junior “O”-ganger who thought he was god’s gift to the boat. I thought long and hard on what I could do to him to teach him a humbling lesson. Nothing seemed good enough to get him really good. Then it happened.

We were steaming, 3 engines full to nowhere, and it so happened he was standing JOOD on the mid-watch and was making his pre-watch tour, he entered maneuvering just as I was changing the batteries in a flashlight.

I had an epiphany.

He looks around maneuvering and asks if everything was OK. I looked at him and with a straight face told him, No; we have a piece of equipment down. He asks what equipment it was. I told him the MX-993/U was OOC due to a faulty BA-30 power supply. He nodded like he knew what I was talking about and departed to relieve the watch on the bridge.

A little bit later I hear him buzz the CO and the conversation went something like this: Capt this is Ens xxxx I have relieved the JOOD and report that during my pre-watch round the electricians report the MX-993/U is OOC due to a faulty BA-30 power supply. Captain then asks Mr. Know-it-all what the MX-993/U is. Silence for about 30 seconds. I can picture him asking the OOD and not getting any answer. He tells the Captain he doesn’t know and is informed by the CO to find out and call him back.

About this time over the 7MC comes a “Maneuvering, Bridge phone”. I pick up the phone knowing what the question will be. Ens xxxx asks, Chief what exactly is the MX-993/U?

In a perfectly controlled voice I inform him that the MX-993/U is a standard, one ichi, navy gray flashlight and the BA-30 power supply is a “D” cell battery. I then hang up.

Minutes pass and everyone in maneuvering is waiting for the inevitable call from the bridge to the CO. Five minutes pass and nothing, 10 minutes pass and nothing. Finally after about 15 minutes we hear the CO pick up the phone. Conversation goes something like this. Capt’n this is Ens xxxx, seems the MX-993/U is a flashlight and the BA-30 power supply is a battery. Capt’n responds that maybe next time you will ask the more in-depth questions and not get caught.

A short time later the Capt’n comes back to Maneuvering with a cup of coffee; that means he plans to be here for awhile. I figure I am in deep kimchi, for pulling the prank.

He sits down on the bench and tells, all in maneuvering, that the Ens has learned a valuable lesson, but not to do it again. Training like that belongs in the wardroom.

10/09/2009 1:41 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where to start...
1. Non-qual striker checks in. Attempts to impress everyone. We have him dress in full kevlar helmet, flack jacket, goggles, electricians gloves, poopie tucked into socks, life jacket, and the man overboard hook from topside. He is to report to the duty officer(DCA) in the wardroom and proudly request permission to blow the DCA. Duty officer keeps a straight face stands up hand on zipper and states,"if you insists." In summary his ego was bruised!

2. I came upon a handy little 2"x2" black box remote that is programmed with codes to all TV's. Could turn them on and off. Prank started just with the JO's while they were watching videos, preparing slides for briefs and such on the TV in the wardroom. That was fun for about a week. Got a bit ballsy and did it during dinner one day with CO, XO, ENG, WEPS etc. CO Called up had an ET2 relieved to come trouble shoot the TV in the wardroom. Proceeded to use the remote on the ET2 during the troubleshooting. I told him what was going on he was pretty pissed mainly cause he didn't know what to tell the CO. We came up with a story about the problem and and he was commended for his ability to fix the TV. The JO's swore that it was still broke. :)
3. Had a nub nuke JO that kept messing with us, we let him sleep for about an hour after watch, we wanted to make sure he was getting that good deep REM sleep. Proceeded to tie knots in the legs of his inside out poopie. Woke him up quickly telling him the ENG wanted him back aft right now and he was not happy. JO flew out of the rack jumped into his poopie, did a back flop on the deck, untied the legs got it on, took it off, turned it right side out, flew back aft. Minutes later came fwd found us in tears laughing. He was not happy.
3. Some people may know the fast boat right of passage to ring the bell in AMR, touch the trim pump, get out alive. That bell in AMR was A-gangs whole existence. If you touched it they would have you. We had a friendly grudge with the A-Gang on the boat, one day they are all on the mess decks doing training. So we went down to AMR. the AMR watch was distracted by something bright and shinny off in a corner. We removed the bell engraved it with our names the date, and some nice comments that they were now our B****ES, took pictures holding it and what not, replaced the bell, printed the pictures and left them on the bench in AMR right before training let out. MMCS was hot, he tried to get us all masted, everyone kind of laughed it off that it was all in good fun. They ended up ordering a new bell and trashing the old one. MMCS still to this day will not talk to me.
4. CO and COB caught wind of the bell ringing in AMR, waited till all of A-GANG was in AMR and rang the bell, a-gang came around the corner ready to put a hurting on someone and stopped dead in their tracks, CO and COB calmly walked back to the trim pump touched it and walked out of AMR CO stopped and told a-gang that he was disappointed and walked away.
4.Halfway night stole XO's door hid it in with the training steam suit. XO countered by removing every door in berthing, heads, and showers.
5. Got some Nub officers on board and they showed up to a meal late. The CO put into effect a new rule that all non-quals late to a meal had to sing and dance I'm a little tea pot before they were allowed to sit and eat. They were not late again.

Ahhh the good days....

12/02/2009 5:37 PM

Anonymous mmoga said...

Nice post

1/14/2010 10:36 PM

Anonymous Aion Kinah said...

Wow interesting blog

1/15/2010 10:14 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was a MM2 standing AMR2 watch with a buddy as my aux aft. We boht disliked the ENG. When my buddy was up from aft to do his rounds, we saw the eng head down to LL to use the treadmill. He always dropped the chain and made it clang, which annoyed me. He got on the treadmill and started to run. He had the habit of trying his best to max it out to show others how much of a stud he was. I told my aux aft to go outboard and look down at the treadmill as i quickly tripped and reset the breaker (outbd the bombs). You heard several footsteps and a thud thud. Eng scratches his head and restarts. I though...what the hell. I gave him five minutes and did it again. Me and aux aft went by the ultrasonic sink as he pokes his head up and asks if there is something wrong with the treadmills. I said oh no sir, why? He said it keeps tripping to which I responded, maybe you're just too fast for it. He smiled and then went at it again. After the third round of this happening he got off and went to his stateroom. Never saw him use that machine while I was on watch again.

8/21/2010 5:21 PM

Blogger Phulish said...

Reported to my second boat while in shipyard... Young TM Striker is newly married and that is all I know of him. For a week, I took late lunches and he was usually on the pier smoking when I retuned. I told him for that whole week' "Sorry I'm back from lunch so late, I was with your wife and she says Hi". The next week, approaching the shipyard turnstiles, a wife stops me as she sees my hat and asks if I know young TM Striker. I tell her yes and she says she is his wife, I suppress an evil grin, and asks me to give him some stuff as she can't wait any longer. She handed me his ballcap, toothbrush, tshirt and all the day after duty stuff you would like.

He is smoking on the pier again and I very nonchalantly drop the stuff in TM Striker's hands and say, "sorry I'm back from lunch so late, I was with your wife and she wanted me to give this to you".

The look of confusion still makes me smile to this day. He turned out to be one great friend.

8/22/2010 1:08 AM

Blogger Phulish said...

Sometimes they just fall in your lap, literally...

8/22/2010 1:09 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

After a month of refit we were just a couple of days before leaving on boomer patrol out of Guam. One of our division received surprise "report immediately" orders, and was telling us how sad he was not to be able to go with us. While he was packing his bags to leave, we cut the silhouette of a large knife out of aluminum foil and put it between the pages of one of his notebooks. We could only imagine how the X-Ray machine technicians at the airport reacted when they spotted it in his carryon bag. Interesting.... we never heard from that sailor again.

9/12/2010 7:02 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember working at COMSUBRON 7 Operations in Pearl Harbor in the late 80's. The Darter was tied up to S-22 right next to the RADCON barge. Whenever the RADCON barge held a drill, the closest nuke boat would provide nuke trained personnel to assist in the drill or significant radiological event. Well, one day the RADCON barge held a drill and a very irate JO from the RADCON barge call up complaing "that boat tied up near us is refusing to help" and to "do something about it". I decided to string this fool along. I said I would and the nearest boat available to help is at S-9 and it would be a few minutes for them to arrive. He screamed he wanted nuke personnel from "that boat near us RIGHT EFFING NOW". I said I would call but there was minor problem. He screamed "I don't need to hear your problems". I stated I would call but nobody would show. "He screamed "WHY??" I said the Darter is a diesel boat. The silence was deafening, then a dial tone.

9/14/2010 1:17 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another humorous incident occured with the same RADCON barge. A Japanese boat was visiting and SUBRON 1 was the host squadron. For reasons I could never fathom, they had her tied up near the RADCON barge. One day theu held their usual drill as I was walking by. All the personnel on the RADCON barge were running around in ANTI-C's. The topside watch on the Japanese boat got very animated, picked up his phone and started hollering into it. The next thing I saw was exhaust smoke belching from out from the hull as they lit off the disels. The topside personnel were heaving the mooring lines off and the boat proceeded to motor out into the turning basin near old battleship row. They thought it was the real thing. I was laughing my can off as the SUBRON 1 Commodore ran out to the pier screaming its a drill. They never tied up visiting boats near that barge again.

9/14/2010 6:57 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On the Georgefish (598) one of the FT gang had brought a 20' weather balloon on patrol and we dumped a box of talcum powder into it. Then we EB taped the fill connection to a 100# EAB hose and slipped quietly into the Chief's quarters where the COB was napping. The balloon was placed in the aisle next to the COB's rack. The air was turned on and everyone disappeared. Of course, as the balloon expanded, it completely filled the small space and eventually began to press the COB against the inner wall of his bunk. We knew the COB always carried a knife, and sure enough when he woke up, he used it to slash the balloon. The balloon then discharged the white powder through the cut. Some say the COB was totally white as a ghost when he came screaming out of the goat locker, but the perpetrators were far away and didn't get to see the results of their prank.

9/14/2010 9:13 PM


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