The Completely Impartial Voters Guide To The "Best Of The Top 2501-3500 Blogs"
Just because I'm a finalist for the prestigious "Best of the Top 2501-3500 Blogs" category for the 2006 Weblog Awards doesn't mean I've lost my sense of fair play. To that end, I've put together this completely impartial "Voters Guide" so you'll be able to cast your vote for the blog in this category that's truly the "best".
What is meant by "the best"? Some might say that the best blog is one that has lots of interesting content, well-considered opinions, and engaging discourse. Sure, that's one definition, and if one accepts that, then the other finalists probably have "better" blogs than mine. But remember, this is America. In American elections, "best" equals "loudest", and I can assure you that no other finalist in the "BotT2501-3500B" category will be as loud, obnoxious, or snarky as I.
With that being said, on to the Voters Guide (updated 09 Dec):
The finalists are (in completely random order):
1) Bubblehead -- The Stupid Shall Be Punished: This self-styled "Idaho's first and foremost submarine blogger" has been mocking and belittling those who deserve it for over two years. Before that, he was in the Navy; here's a picture of him:
I can't say what he was getting the medal for; let's just say that the underwater Alien Command Ships won't be bothering Earth for quite a while, if you get my drift.
2) The Random Yak: A finalist two years running, Random Yak is an appropriate nom de blog, given his general hairiness -- as this picture supposedly of Random Yak working off a "bender" attests:
It's said that yaks live in the mountains of Pakistan -- just like Osama Bin Laden.
3) Bruce at mAss Backwards: He's from Massachusetts, but there's no reason to just assume that he likes high taxes and goes to gay weddings every weekend. He apparently has some sort of high-tech job, as this blurry photo said to be of Bruce shows:
Update 1310 09 Dec: I haven't gotten much information about Cobb or Jeff the Baptist, but I did put together some quick items about the other two finalists.
4) Viking Spirit: Not much is known of this young blogger, although it's rumored that he was also may have been in the military, as this grainy photo shows:
5) Jack's Shack at Random Thoughts: Jack's Shack is best known for wanting Santa Claus to die; also known as "The Cousin of The Grinch". The reason is unknown; however, this photo purported to show an earlier episode from Jack's life that may explain this disturbing obsession:
I'm sure it will be easy to explain to your children how you voted for this guy.
6) Amanda from Imago Dei: No picture of Amanda could be found; however, we did find a picture of her favorite singing group wearing some of her gear:
Coming soon -- information on the other four finalists:
The Colossus of Rhodey: A Delaware group blog.
Cobb: Clearly a ringer. He's way too good of a blogger to be this far down the ecosystem chain.
Jeff the Baptist: Another Delawarian. (Delawarite?) What's up with that?
Libby at The Impolitic: Apparently the only liberal in the group.
7) The Colossus of Rhodey: One of the two group blogs in the competition, the CoR consists of Rhodey, Felix, Rube, Gooch, JakeM, and HippieMomie. Apparently bloggers are big celebrities in Delaware (State Motto: "We get all our money from charging people outrageous tolls to drive 10 miles on I-95"), as shown by this blurry photo of the Rhodians with a fan:
My guess it that this appearance caused some contention, since HippieMomie's picture wasn't included with the rest of the group up on the wall.
8) Libby at The Impolitic: A self-styled progressive, Libby nonetheless seems to find time to hang out with famous conservative offspring; she's reportedly seen here with one of the Bush twins: