Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Thursday, December 07, 2006

The Completely Impartial Voters Guide To The "Best Of The Top 2501-3500 Blogs"

Just because I'm a finalist for the prestigious "Best of the Top 2501-3500 Blogs" category for the 2006 Weblog Awards doesn't mean I've lost my sense of fair play. To that end, I've put together this completely impartial "Voters Guide" so you'll be able to cast your vote for the blog in this category that's truly the "best".

What is meant by "the best"? Some might say that the best blog is one that has lots of interesting content, well-considered opinions, and engaging discourse. Sure, that's one definition, and if one accepts that, then the other finalists probably have "better" blogs than mine. But remember, this is America. In American elections, "best" equals "loudest", and I can assure you that no other finalist in the "BotT2501-3500B" category will be as loud, obnoxious, or snarky as I.

With that being said, on to the Voters Guide (updated 09 Dec):

The finalists are (in completely random order):

1) Bubblehead -- The Stupid Shall Be Punished: This self-styled "Idaho's first and foremost submarine blogger" has been mocking and belittling those who deserve it for over two years. Before that, he was in the Navy; here's a picture of him:

I can't say what he was getting the medal for; let's just say that the underwater Alien Command Ships won't be bothering Earth for quite a while, if you get my drift.

2) The Random Yak: A finalist two years running, Random Yak is an appropriate nom de blog, given his general hairiness -- as this picture supposedly of Random Yak working off a "bender" attests:


It's said that yaks live in the mountains of Pakistan -- just like Osama Bin Laden.

3) Bruce at mAss Backwards: He's from Massachusetts, but there's no reason to just assume that he likes high taxes and goes to gay weddings every weekend. He apparently has some sort of high-tech job, as this blurry photo said to be of Bruce shows:


4) Viking Spirit: Not much is known of this young blogger, although it's rumored that he was also may have been in the military, as this grainy photo shows:


5) Jack's Shack at Random Thoughts: Jack's Shack is best known for wanting Santa Claus to die; also known as "The Cousin of The Grinch". The reason is unknown; however, this photo purported to show an earlier episode from Jack's life that may explain this disturbing obsession:

I'm sure it will be easy to explain to your children how you voted for this guy.

6) Amanda from Imago Dei: No picture of Amanda could be found; however, we did find a picture of her favorite singing group wearing some of her gear:

Coming soon -- information on the other four finalists:
The Colossus of Rhodey: A Delaware group blog.
Cobb: Clearly a ringer. He's way too good of a blogger to be this far down the ecosystem chain.
Jeff the Baptist: Another Delawarian. (Delawarite?) What's up with that?
Libby at The Impolitic: Apparently the only liberal in the group.

Update 1310 09 Dec: I haven't gotten much information about Cobb or Jeff the Baptist, but I did put together some quick items about the other two finalists.

7) The Colossus of Rhodey: One of the two group blogs in the competition, the CoR consists of Rhodey, Felix, Rube, Gooch, JakeM, and HippieMomie. Apparently bloggers are big celebrities in Delaware (State Motto: "We get all our money from charging people outrageous tolls to drive 10 miles on I-95"), as shown by this blurry photo of the Rhodians with a fan:

My guess it that this appearance caused some contention, since HippieMomie's picture wasn't included with the rest of the group up on the wall.

8) Libby at The Impolitic: A self-styled progressive, Libby nonetheless seems to find time to hang out with famous conservative offspring; she's reportedly seen here with one of the Bush twins:


11 Comments:

Anonymous The Random Yak said...

Dude - you caught me right after I shaved - no fair displaying me so close to bald.

Besides, that photo doesn't smell nearly raunchy enough to be me.

12/08/2006 12:16 AM

 
Blogger ColossusHube said...

Dude, these were hilarious! Can't wait to see what you do to us.

12/08/2006 5:45 AM

 
Blogger Amanda said...

Those are great! Thanks for the laughs this morning!

12/08/2006 7:22 AM

 
Blogger CDR Salamander said...

Dude, I am so stealing that idea for Monday.

12/08/2006 9:15 AM

 
Blogger Jack's Shack said...

Not bad.

12/08/2006 10:20 AM

 
Anonymous Maniyak said...

We at TRY, The Random Yak, one of Bubblehead's competitors for the coveted Weblog award, want to honor Bubblehead for his eminent sense of fairness in photoshopping his own picture to look just as weird as he made us look. Tip of the Yak horns to you, Bubble.

12/08/2006 12:20 PM

 
Blogger Libby Spencer said...

LOL. I'm so bummed that I didn't get a photoshop. By the way, I'm a centrist, equal opportunity basher who suffers from procrastination and OCD. No one is safe from my acid wit or my hand soap.

I think you guys should all send me your pity votes because I've never won anything and it would make my aging mother very proud if I finally accomplished something.

12/08/2006 2:21 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The gratuitous photo of yourself will be put to good use someday.

12/09/2006 10:30 AM

 
Blogger Libby Spencer said...

LOL Bubblehead. You're much too nice. I've never looked so good. Is this some kind of reverse psychology to get me to throw you my thousands of votes? It might be working....

12/09/2006 2:45 PM

 
Blogger Bubblehead said...

Libby, you may be on to something. Obviously, our mission now should be to stop Bruce at mAss Backwards, no matter what the cost. Since I'm in 2nd place, I'll graciously volunteer to be the one that all of you throw your votes to.

12/09/2006 3:50 PM

 
Anonymous Unkawill said...

Nice job Joel,

Good luck with the award and thanks for taking care of the UACS.

12/11/2006 1:25 PM

 

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