Outraged Canadians Are Funny

The story out today that a U.S. promotional video, produced by Disney and designed to be used to convince people to visit America, includes a shot of the Canadian part of Niagara Falls is sure to elicit lots of complaints from our neighbors north of the border. Whether it's protests at submarine trips through the Northwest Passage or wondering why people don't like their traditional baby seal hunts, Canadians are quick to take offense at what they feel are any American slights. These protests frequently take the form of "We're not Americans, OK, buddy! This is aboot our national sovereignty! Americans don't even know we're a different country!"

Here's the deal -- essentially all Americans do recognize that our Canadian allies are from a different country. It's only because they spin up so easily -- and so amusingly -- that you hear Americans tell a Canadian, "But, I thought Canada was part of Maine (or Minnesota, or Montana, depending on where they are)," or ask them if they have a moose in their outhouse.

I know you're probably saying to yourself, "Sure, Bubblehead, we all agree that outraged Canadians are funny, but aren't tin-foil hatters even funnier?" The answer is, of course, yes. Check out how this conspiracy theorist (scroll down a bit) ties together two Navy stories from this month into a conspiracy theory to make any 9/11 Truther salivate:

Kremlin reports are stating today that the United States War Leaders are in a ‘state of panic’ over the unraveling of their abortive attempt to attack Iran with a nuclear missile launched from the Middle Eastern Nation of Qatar during the visit of President Putin.
The Americans plan, according to these reports, was for the Russian President to be killed during the nuclear missile strike on Iran, throwing the Kremlin ‘off guard’ and unable to respond to the combined US-Israeli assault upon the Iranian Nation...
... Russian Military Intelligence reports are stating that after the aborted US nuclear missile launch against Iran, the 3-person crew of the Patriot Missile Battery in Qatar were ‘moved’ to the giant US Naval Support Activity base in Bahrain, and which after their ‘interrogation’ 2 of the US Soldiers, Genesia Mattril Gresham and Anamarie Sannicolas Camacho, were immediately killed and the third US Soldier involved, Clarence Jackson, was shot through the brain and was not expected to survive.
[US Military reports, however, on the deaths of the Patriot Missile Crew, state that Clarence Jackson shot his fellow soldiers before turning his weapon on himself.]
These reports go on to state that after US Military investigators determined that the nuclear material used in the aborted strike against Iran came from one of their own Los Angeles Class Nuclear Submarines it was ordered back to its port in San Diego whereupon its commander was placed under arrest with several members of his crew also being charged.
US reports on this incident, and as we can read as reported by the CNN News Service, state: "The commander of the nuclear-powered submarine USS Hampton has been relieved of his command amid an inquiry into misconduct by crew members...

I wish I could make up stuff this good...