Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

A Sure-Fire Moneymaking Scheme

Whenever people start doing stupid things, I like to figure out what the best way is to make money off of their stupidity. One area that I think offers a lot of potential is in the area of carbon offsets, where rich liberals and the companies who fear them are giving people money to neutralize their carbon footprint -- frequently by doing something like planting trees or capturing methane.

Many organizations that offer carbon offsets are planting new trees that take a while to get big -- they're not as good at being CO2 scrubbers as a big tree. My idea is this -- buy some land that already has trees, and sell "Mature Tree Saving" carbon offsets to gullible celebrities; that is, if the celebrity pays you enough money, you won't cut down the trees you own. The effect on net worldwide carbon is the same as planting many more new trees. The best thing is, you can sell the rights to save the same trees multiple times by not specifying the length of time the offset is good for, or by using strange units of time in the contracting language. ("This offset will ensure 10 mature trees will be left unmolested for one (1) Jovian diurnal cycle.") If they buy into that, you can expand into methane reduction offsets -- buy a cow (it can graze in your forest), and if the celebrity gives you enough money, you'll kill the cow so it won't emit methane anymore. As an added bonus, you get to eat the cow!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a revserse scheme already going on -- carbon debits. They offer the opportunity to kill a tree to specifically offset the purchase of a carbon credit.

It sounds like a goldmine.

12/06/2007 6:23 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Something for everyone. Even the Double Standard guy should like this one!

12/06/2007 8:27 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My plan is to sell carbon offsets based on not mowing my lawn. You pay me, I don't mow this week, you get to drive your SUV and create the carbon that my mower would have created and my taller grass absorbs. Also, you get to be an environmental hero! Right now, I'm offering special winter rates! I'm even thinking about taking out some trees to make a larger lawn so that I can expand the business. If I get enough investors, I may just pave it all and never mow again!


12/06/2007 8:47 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the "...or the dog gets it" pictures (a pistol held to a dogs head).

I have several acres of mature trees. I should get my chain saw out and pose for a few pictures next to a big oak tree: "Buy my carbon off set, or the tree gets it."

12/06/2007 11:19 AM

Blogger GreenTopaz said...

You can already get free carbon offsets

12/07/2007 10:44 AM

Anonymous rusty700 said...

Thats funny! LOL

12/07/2007 11:49 AM

Anonymous Rich said...

That's like people who think they are "buying green power" from their power company at the higher rate.

When I was in the Hydrogen Fuel Cell Busines, I had one lady try to convince me that the power "she" bought from the power company was green.

I am going to let the cat out of the bag here. When you check the box to pay extra for green power, they (Power company) do not run a special "Green" power line to your house. You are simply investing in green technology.

Now that I am on my soap box, why do some idiots pay $5,000 for an electric car that only gets 2-3 mph better on fuel efficiency when they have a car load of hazzardous material in batteries that will need to be disposed of? I also think when the first fireman is electricuted trying to save someone "electric cars" wont be as popular.

12/10/2007 9:37 PM

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