Caption Contest Results

On Friday, I posted a "caption contest" to see who could come up with the "best" caption for this picture:

Because she's actually read books that discuss something other than the concentrated application of firepower, I asked Ninme to judge the contest. Without further ado, here are the results:

Best Pop Culture Tie-In To a Man In a Torpedo Tube:
No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.
--lc scotty

Best Job In Making Fun of Michael Moore With a Photo Of a Man In a Torpedo Tube:
US Navy checks that Michael Moore won't be able to sneak on board through a torpedo tube while filming his forthcoming "Rummy and Me".
--Rueful Red

Best Entry Most Obviously By a Californian:
The Ship's espresso-machine is set to a precise 195-degrees Farenheit.
--dirtcrashr

Best Entry By Someone Whose Mother Loves Him:
Lt Brown’s mother was recently quoted as saying “Ever since he was a boy Lou always loved the water. Shoot, I never knew my little slug would turn out to be such a hot runner”.
--lubber's line

Best In Maintaining a Healthy Disdain for Anyone Lower In Rank Than You:
Still in training, the new machiny mate in torpedo division tries to fit the hexy'thingy into the square hole and is dumbfounded when it does not work like his toy at home.Later that night they put a green book entry in for A'division assistance.
--rebootinit

Best In Maintaining a Sailor's Reputation:
mumble mumble... and so i said "yeah, and what are you going to do about it?" to the massa cheese. damn, i could be out chasing burkas and lifting veils, but no, i'm polishing teflon.
--bothenook

And (drumroll)... the Funniest Caption For That Photo of a Man In a Torpedo Tube:
"Chief, are you sure I'm supposed to be inside the tube when I'm doing this?.....Chief?....What are you doing to the door, Chief?...CHI___!"
--byron

Congratulations to all the winners! As mentioned, you'll all receive, free of charge, the adulation of that portion of the sub-blogging community that reads this website.

I intentionally threw a monkey-wrench into the normal submarine caption contest dynamics by having Ninme judge the results, and I think that messed some entrants up. For instance, I would have picked geezernuke's entry, simply because he mentioned "flatulence". Additionally, I forbade WillyShake from using the most obvious choice, because it probably would have gotten Ninme's vote simply due to the literary nature of "once more into the breech".

For those interested, you can see a video clip of the Sailor pictured, along with some of his shipmates on USS Norfolk, at this link. [Intel Source: The Sub Report]