Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

An Oldie But A Goodie

I've linked to this list before, but I've never posted the whole thing. Especially for the disgruntled nukes out there, click on the "Read more!" extended entry link to find the "100 Reasons Why McDonald's Is Better Than Submarines":

1) No McORSE
2) If you have to take a piss, you can go take a piss. No questions asked.
3) You'll never have to go port and starboard on the fryer.
4) Better pay.
5) The f**king sun.
6) Air.
7) The boxes of food at McDonald's aren't stamped "Rejected by Hardee's" or "Not fit for human consumption".
8) The ability to call in sick.
9) The ability to quit.
10) McDonald's doesn't get their uniforms from the same company as the state penitentary.
11) McDonald's doesn't deploy.
12) They have actual janitors.
13) No McDrills.
14) The grill breaks, you CALL someone to fix it.
15) At least your boss accepts that he's a clown.
16) No McResin Discharge.
17) No all night hydro on the fryer.
18) One word: overtime.
19) Every day is slider day!
20) At McDonald's, you will never, EVER, worry about being put in prison for ten years because you told your wife what the secret sauce is.
21) They pay you for training.
22) You'll never die a horrible, excruciating death from the crush depth implosion of a McDonald's.
23) No steam piping.
24) No time at McDonald's will you hear your boss give a thirty minute dissertation over the P.A. on the importance of being at the register 15 minutes early.
25) They won't ask you about Taco Bell operations on the advancement test.
26) You get to leave work EVERY day at the end.
27) McDonald's will eventually fire the really stupid employees.
28) two words: Happy Meals.
29) McDonald's doesn't look like a big black turd.
30) Grimace don't do Vulcan Death Watches.
31) McDonald's has a slide out back.
32) To do something at McDonald's, you look at the color coded chart, not OP umpty-squat, chapter whatever, reference 3, ACN B, rev 17.
33) If McDonald's catches fire, you LEAVE.
34) No McSmall Valve Maintenance.
35) No McCOB.
36) Leaving McDonald's in an emergency doesn't require a steinke hood and a lot of praying.
37) The coffee's better.
38) Someone else makes the water.
39) You don't have to live there to work there.
40) The only cones come from the ice cream machine.
41) McDonald's doesn't go into drydock. (again and again)
42) ALL the tests are multiple choice.
43) Their TV commercials are a lot cooler.
44) Three words: Sea Foam Green.
45) Stock in McDonald's is worth something. The Nav is a part of an operation that is 6 trillion dollars in the hole.
46) Special sauce isn't "hand made".
47) No McBilges to clean.
48) Opening for business doesn't require a full day of preparations and everyone to show up for a brief at 0230.
49) Three words: Stupid ass hats.
50) Personnel inspection requirements are written on the door. (No shirt, no shoes, no service)
51) At McDonald's, dislocating your shoulder is not considered getting the good deal.
52) McDonald's never had an accident that cause a person to be stuck to the ceiling impaled on a french fry. (ie. No Mc-SL1)
53) Because you deserve a break today.
54) Even the little Hamburglar is cooler than a goat.
55) Mayor McCheese doesn't wield a righteous thumb of indignation.
56) You can choose which McDonald's you want to work at.
57) If you want to buy your boss a beer, that's okay.
58) If you want to tell your boss to f**k off and just die f**king die, that's okay too.
59) There is no Uniform Code of McDonald's Justice to deal with.
60) The news comes from USA Today, not Ric Crawford, GS-12.
61) No one will rack you out at 2 in the morning to start the grill.
62) Chances of you getting called back after you get off work are pretty damn slim.
63) Putting the pickle on the hamburger doesn't require an QA-34 and a signature to be used against you in a court of law, should they want you.
64) The only guy in a silly yellow suit is Ronald.
65) How many McDonald's were sunk in W.W.II?
66) Fixing the register doesn't require a rubber room and a rope man.
67) Nothing on the menu contains the phrases, "Horse cock" or "baboon ass".
68) At McDonald's, the riders would have to leave at closing time.
69) $2.99 is a meal price, not a daily wage at McDonald's.
70) You don't have to go single register operations if someone spills a Coke.
71) McDonald's doesn't require a 24 hour Shutdown Register Operator and McRoving Watch.
72) McDonald's doesn't call your house at 5:30 in the morning blaring some god-awful atiquated song about a bugler just to wake you up.
73) No McRadcon.
74) At McDonald's, your boss will never make you drive him around for two and a half months so he can spy on Wendy's.
75) You will never be locked in for 24 hours pretending to operate everything. (ie no McFastcruise)
75.5) You don't have to come in to work at 7:00 only to wait around for an hour waiting for your boss to tell you things you already know.
76) At McDonald's you will never hear, "Shake machine troubleshooting team, and all off watch drinkmakers, lay aft."
77) No McGMT.
78) At McDonald's you don't have to route a 1250 for a new stack of cups.
79) If you burn a hamburger they won't take away half a month's pay for two months and restrict you to the playground.
80) Knowledge of the material of construction and variable operating characteristics of the grill are not prerequisites for operation.
81) You don't have to take apart the shake machine once a quarter just because.
82) You don't have to share your bed with two coworkers.
83) You don't have to shave off your goatee when the district manager comes.
84) At McDonald's, when the toilet clogs, you don't rig pressurized air to the shitter.
85) You don't have to shut everything off and call in the last shift to start the grill.
86) Early in the morning, you don't cycle the drink machine on and off just for practice.
87) You scrub the floors because it's dirty, not because it's Wednesday.
88) There is almost always plenty of parking. If not, drive through.
89) Don't like what you got? Take it back.
90) You don't have to take a turbidity prior to putting a new catsup dispenser on service.
91) Failure of the warming oven door to open is not a panic causing event. It will also not preclude you from starting another fryer or pulling the fries out of the vat due to interlock.
92) No Mc-HPACs.
93) No one hates it so bad they refer to it simply as "The Mac".
94) No 16 hour days at McDonald's prototype making burgers in the middle of the desert for no one.
95) If you wipe up a catsup spill at McDonald's, you don't have to let it dry before you throw it away.
96) They won't secure one of the register operators to keep track of the people going into Burger King.
97) You don't have to have permission from the Manager, Assistant Manager, and Register Operator before going into the freezer.
98) At McDonald's, the toilet paper stays in the bathroom, not on the dinner table.
99) You don't have to completely undress to pinch a loaf.
100) ALL of the articles of the Constitution apply to you at McDonald's.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did a similar list once about how your rack is better than a woman. (I know, it was an underway thing.) There were some good ones like, "your rack doesn't care if you use another rack." "You can lay on your rack and read a smut mag." "If someone else uses your rack, its not because your rack goes out partying when you're underway." "Your rack doesn't gain 20 pounds while you're on deployment."

9/28/2006 7:13 AM

Blogger ninme said...


Re: # 9. If you're on a submarine and you're somewhere, I dunno, off the coast of Iran... Under the Ayatollah's personal yacht, maybe, at periscope depth, and you want to quit (for whatever reason... let's say you decide you're gay), what do they do? Make you keep working? Until they're back in port after 6 months?

9/28/2006 7:00 PM

Blogger half said...

Fixing the register doesn't require a rubber room and a rope man.

I guess I better not ask.

10/01/2006 5:38 AM

Blogger Bubblehead said...

You're normally able to pull off station and head off to get them ashore fairly quickly; if not, though, they'd be expected to keep working.

"Rubber room" and "rope man" are used for electrical safety.

10/02/2006 12:30 AM


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