Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Submarine Food Slang

An article in the Telegraph about how the crew is fed on board HMS Tireless (S 88) has a side story about what the British submariners call various "food" items; like most things involving Brit food, it makes no sense. Here's what they say:

One officer on board said: "To qualify as a submariner, there is a long training period including a two-hour oral board. If it goes well, there is normally a final question – you have to name 10 submarine foods". Here is a taster:

* Bits – baked beans
* Spithead pheasant – kippers
* Elephant's footprint – battered spam fritter
* Baby's head – steak and kidney pudding (the smooth pastry rises like a shiny baby's head)
* Black on black – chocolate pudding with chocolate sauce
* Action Man pillows – ravioli
* Teddybears' ears – Chinese prawn crackers
* Seggies – grapefruit segments
* Snorkers – sausages
* Gary Glitters – gammon steaks (as in Glitter's song chant "Come on, come on" or the submariners' version "Gamm-on, gamm-on")
* Cheesy-hammy-eggy – a traditional Navy dish, Welsh rarebit with ham and a fried egg
* Pom – powdered potatoes

Just to prove that American submarine food slang is both more sensible and more entertaining than that practiced by our Brit brothers, let's collect all the American submarine food slang here in the comments. I'll start off with an easy one: "Vent covers" for the breaded veal cutlets. Let's fill us the comments with the other ones you remember!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Baboon ass - corned beef

4/17/2009 8:49 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

mini balls - brussel sprouts


cabbage fetuses - brussel sprouts

4/17/2009 8:50 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

3 X 5s - fried fish

4/17/2009 8:51 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

sliders - cheeseburgers

4/17/2009 8:51 AM

Anonymous SJV said...

Type II (Pronounced Type two).

Mayo....or was it really mayo?

4/17/2009 8:55 AM

Anonymous Anon E. Moose said...

Fish trapezoids - frozen fish shapes

Chocolate Dog - soft serve

Veal Wheel - breaded veal patties

4/17/2009 9:13 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chicken boobs = self explanatory

Shit on a Shingle (SOS) = chipped beef on toast (this one is Navy-wide and super grandfather who was on an LST for D-Day called it that)

Moose: We never called them fish trapezoids; we called them trapezoid fish, as if they were a species of trapezoid-shaped fish.

4/17/2009 9:21 AM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

+1 for the Baboon Ass
+1 for the 3x5's

Ravioli = Gags
Pucks = Chicken (Or Veal) Wheels
Pus Rockets = Sausage Links
Hitler Special = 3-bean salad
(This was specific to my last submarine for reasons known only to us!)

I'm sure there's many more, just none come to mind in my NyQuil induced haze!

4/17/2009 9:22 AM

Blogger Don the Baptist said...

Amen to the "Hitler Special."

4/17/2009 9:26 AM

Anonymous Hampton Plankowner said...

elephant scabs = veal patties
teryidactal fetuses = game hens
hockey pucks = biscuits

4/17/2009 9:27 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

marital aids - those really long sausages

4/17/2009 9:29 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

fried hamster - breaded chicken with butter sauce

4/17/2009 9:30 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sounds like a wardroom list...too clean for us dirty blueshirts.

Sausage - wardroom training aids

4/17/2009 9:45 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chicken Twinkie = Chicken Cordon Bleu

Meat Pillows of Death = Ravioli

Meal Markers = Corn

Trail Markers = Salisbury Steak

LFC's (Little F***ing Cabbage's) = Brussel Sprouts

Chicken Pucks = chicken patties

Chicken happy fun time = a dish I used to make for midrats that consisted of leftover chicken, brocolli, and cheese sauce served with rice. The crew loved it.

Bon Jovi's = Eggs in a basket (a slice of bread with a hole cut in the middle and fried with an egg inside.)

That's it for now.


4/17/2009 9:49 AM

Anonymous Underwateribs said...

"Tracers" = Corn

Definitely "Babboon Ass" = Corned Beef

"Pillows of Death" = Midrats Ravioli

"Famine Fighter" or "Back-up" = Peanut Butter and Jelly

"Wagon Wheels" = Fried Chicken Patties

"Hamsters" = Chicken Cordon Bleu

And my favorite, "Sizzler Special" = Sunday Night Steak and Shrimp.

4/17/2009 10:06 AM

Anonymous Underwateribs said...

Oh Yeah...One More.

"Donkey Dicks" = Those Big Hot Dogs/Chili Dogs we had at Saturday Lunch.

4/17/2009 10:10 AM

Anonymous bullnav said...

Auto dog - ice cream from the soft-serve machine.

LFC's - cornish game hens (Little f'n chickens).

4/17/2009 10:12 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you guys must have had a different species...we just had triangle fish...

4/17/2009 10:15 AM

Blogger Don the Baptist said...

"Donkey Dicks"

Hey, that's what we called the ASROC launcher

4/17/2009 10:24 AM

Anonymous MM1/SS (Nuc Type) said...

Puss Rocket - Chicken Cord-on-blue
Pillows of Death - Ravioli
Wagon Wheel - Chicken patties

Lemon Baked Dill - any fish all. we ran out of food and ate frozen fish for 2 months straight

4/17/2009 10:29 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hockey Pork Pucks= Bacon Cheese Burgers on our boat.

Snatch Pie= Bread Pudding.

Poop on the Deck= Toast with Sausage Gravy for breakfast. Same as SOS except with sausage substituted in place of chipped beef.

That's about all I can think of for now.

The WidgetHead

4/17/2009 11:18 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

sliders - burgers
sliders with non-skid - breaded veal patties

4/17/2009 11:32 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fat pills - bread rolls

Wildlife Habitat - the last fresh salads, including the moving bits...

4/17/2009 11:36 AM

Blogger Free The Nucs said...

cat turds - a thin slice of beef wrapped around stuffing and covered with greenish gravy.

4/17/2009 11:38 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Horse cock = sliced lunch meat

4/17/2009 11:43 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

mike mulligan - the stuff that passes through the small ball valve in the head - any submarine dish creates a mike mulligan - its brown, and it stinks.

4/17/2009 11:46 AM

Blogger Joel Croteau said...

Geez, you guys are making me hungry...

4/17/2009 11:51 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rabbit turds and baby dicks - beanie weenies

turtle heads - another for brussel sprouts

4/17/2009 11:56 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stikey Buns = Those wonderful pastries cooked by the night baker during the mid-watch. Usually covered with white or chocolate icing.

Spunk = whipped topping. Served atop jello or cake.

Spunk was also that really nasty slimy stuff that grew under the shower drain.

Scottish woodcock = some kind of creamy, cheesy thing served at breakfast. I stayed away from it.

Bug juice = we all know what bug juice is.

4/17/2009 11:59 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pork Precurser - Apple Sauce

4/17/2009 12:49 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been retired now for almost 4 years, but I had spaghetti with meat sauce and spicy italian sausage the other night with the family. As I cut in to one of the sausages, I busted out laughing. The wife and kids wanted to know what was so funny, so I told them what we used to call them on the boat...puss rockets. Ahhh, good times!

4/17/2009 12:52 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

AutoDog - soft serve ice cream. Lift the tail and get a treat!

4/17/2009 12:57 PM

Blogger SJBill said...

"Filet of Mule Tool was an Airdale variant of the horsec@ck sandwich.

Great to see so little overlap with the rest of the Navy.

4/17/2009 1:04 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's one more,

White DOO DOO Balls= Chocolate covered donut holes sprinkled with cinnamon and white cream glaze. When those are announced over the 1MC for mid-rats, the line gets very long, very quickly.


4/17/2009 1:56 PM

Blogger Vigilis said...

seagulls - was it?

4/17/2009 2:19 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a variation on "sliders": on board the mighty City of Corpus Christi they're known as "CoCC Burgers".

4/17/2009 3:52 PM

Blogger 630-738 said...

Seagulls- Cornish game hens. And of course, we always seemed to have them for dinner after ventilating.

4/17/2009 4:19 PM

Anonymous Veemann said...

"Train Wreck" = American Chop

"LFC's" and "Transistorized Cabbages" = Brussels Sprouts

"Chicken Tetracycline" = Chicken Tetrazzini

Various "Cum" = Tapioca Pudding

Dittos for "Auto Dog", "3x5's", "sliders", and "vent covers/elephant scabs".

4/17/2009 4:43 PM

Blogger FT2(ss) said...

"What the F*#&@ is this S^@*&" - what I called pretty much anything that was made by 3 of our cooks.

4/17/2009 4:55 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

No one's mentioned Beenie Weenies or Beef Yak?

ditto on the Chicken Wheels, Donkey Dick and/or horse cock, and Fish Trapezoids.

4/17/2009 5:21 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

beef stroke me off

4/17/2009 5:24 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Meal Markers = Corn"

or tracers.

Triangle fish were always really trapezoids but named by the same kind of old salt with poor spatial recognition that would mistake a manatee for a beautiful mermaid.

4/17/2009 5:51 PM

Anonymous Veemann said...

I meant "Train Wreck" = American Chop Suey. Damn fingers...

Forgot about Beef Yak and Stroke me off. Both of those seemed to be duty day regulars.

There were exactly two things I every liked on the boat - sliders and pizza. May have been that neither had genital or seminal fluid associations or the that others pitched in to do the cooking - especially on pizza night.

4/17/2009 6:25 PM

Blogger cheezstake said...

Just reading all these made me laugh and caused a few memories to come back.
Baboon Ass was banned by the Skipper after the cook botched up St Patty's Day dinner, not knowing the Capt was on his way down with his family.

Biologics = Fried Shrimp
Horse Cock = Sausage
Chicken in a Box = Fried Chicken (But all the food come in boxes!)

4/17/2009 6:50 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chicken Chernobyl--Chicken Kiev
Pocket Burritos
John Holmes Hot Dogs-Foot long dogs
Beef Strokinoff

4/17/2009 6:53 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Add another vote for Horse Cock. This rather trashy term seemed to be randomly applied to anything that seem remotely similiar to a stallion's gentitalia. We used it for those nasty sausages, lunch meat, etc.

Sliders was a favorite of course.

Even though we generally had decent food the term swill was used had to be tough being a cook.

Although, I must ask if anyone ever watched a MS2(SS) dish up the XO's spaghetti using his cock ...ummm, the cook's own crank, not the XO's (that would be too weird, even for the Hawkbill).


4/17/2009 6:56 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trail Markers - miniature meatloaves with gravy

Elephant Scabs - chicken or veal parmesan

Two-tone Balone - That bologna that sat out on the mess decks with the horsecock at midrats; it had the slight green-gray tint around the edges

Little Jaspers - An obscure offbrand of peanut butter that got us through numerous NorPacs. Jasper was the little bear on the label.

Elvis Platters - toasted bacon and peanut butter sandwiches

4/17/2009 7:09 PM

Blogger cheezstake said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4/17/2009 7:17 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Flied Lice" - Fried rice (we had three Filipino cooks - including the chief - on thh boat, so we had a LOT of Filipino food)

A few food stories:

We had one A-ganger who always loved to gross out people. Never failed that when there was a new guy onboard and we had spaghetti, the A-ganger would pull up next to the victim and start snorting his spaghetti up his nose - literally. The guy would then cough and gag to finally get one end of the pasta in his mouth and proceed to "floss" his nose and throat.

A group of us and the same A-ganger were standing around waiting for the rest of the off-going duty guys to board the liberty van. We were admiring the puke left over in the van from the previous night's use. Some unknowing nub offered the A-ganger $20 to eat a chunk. The A-ganger even let the guy pick the piece before savoring the morsel & pocketing the twenty.

As a safety swimmer/diver on Maneuvering Watch I got to hang out in crew's mess while transiting. Several times I'd break open a tin of sardines as we rolled around. If anyone looked even remotely sea sick, I'd pull up next to them, act as if I were going to Ralph, then toss up a handful of chewed up sardines and crackers. That sent several to the head. 8-)

4/17/2009 8:30 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Square Pig - Ham in a Can
Plastic Cow - Powdered Milk
BLT Salad - Brown Lettuce & Tomato
Bug Juice - Kool Aid
Rat Killer - That sweetener in the pink envelop

And another vote for Baboon Ass


4/17/2009 8:34 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah yes - the food onboard....

Did anyone else have corn races? You had to be underway for at least three days without having served corn. The race began with the meal with corn - on the cob, or not, didn't matter. Then it was off to the races. The fastest digestive system wins... but it had to be proven to a witness before flushing in order to be declared the winner...

4/17/2009 9:01 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Little Jasper peanut butter! We had an E-diver who looked just like the kid on the label. He really got tired of people calling him Jasper.

4/17/2009 9:04 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cooks used to call pubies on a burger "fur burgers".

If someone was pissed off at Div O, DH, etc. he could order up a fur burger.

A Chief got one once. Pulled out the hair, studied it closely, made sure everyone saw it and then put it back on the burger and ate it. After that, fur burgers were reserved for the wardroom only.

4/17/2009 10:13 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh, plastic cow. Forgot about that one. Of course the milk fridge was always "the cow", when it was out "the cow is dead". The boxed UHT we had always tasted horrible, probably from soaking up fumes in PLO bay where we stored it on the mezzanines... Our latest iteration of the cow was a "Norris" brand chiller. Soon afterwards "Chuck Norris" ruled the cow...

4/17/2009 10:26 PM

Blogger Bigbill said...

Sky rat - baked chicken

Virginia Sliced Beef - It was liver and no one ate it.

Steamship raw - There's pink and then there's raw and bloody.

Sploded Ham Salad - shredded ham with mayo and relish.

Fried Food Special - that special dinner that consisted of corn dogs, lumpia, fries, chicken nuggets, chicken pucks, and veal wheels. We usually cleaned the galley precipitators the next day.

4/17/2009 10:57 PM

Blogger Srvd_SSN_CO said...

Dynamited chicken-that version of chicken used in soup, and maybe elsewhere.

Little bags of gas: lima beans.

Oh, and I banned baboon ass. The English 'cookbook' is simply to pathetic to inflict on Americans.

4/18/2009 4:23 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

New England Spoiled Dinner - baboon ass, potatos and scabbage

4/18/2009 6:09 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Donkey Dick" was a tool that E-Div used on the MG sets, never associated that term with the galley.

Everyone else here has pretty much covered any terms we used.

We would store our eggs in the fan room. One of the mess cranks would be sent in to get eggs and he would always break a few trying to get out of there. Everyone on the boat would know within 30 seconds when the the eggs went bad.

Pizza night was usually quickly followed by a load test of the SAN tanks...

4/18/2009 6:57 AM

Blogger I R A Darth Aggie said...

Pom – powdered potatoesEewww. I'm no fan of powered tatters. I dislike the civilian stuff, and I can't imagine the USN product is any better.

From the comments:

Hitler Special = 3-bean saladI'll never look at the 3 bean salad the same again. And I actually like the stuff.

4/18/2009 11:42 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chicken-fried mystery meat was...ah...a mystery.

4/18/2009 11:44 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

pigmy peeters-vienna sausages

Chicken train wreck-creamed chicken

fore skins on toast, another variation was fore skins in snot-creamed chip beef on toast

horse cock was reserved for the balogna log unsliced. In the wardroom it was referred to as penis de stallion.

Plastic spuds-dehydrated potatoes--
After moving on the barge in the shipyard in 1971 our cooks were still preparing plastic spuds with the meals. The enginemen went to our sister boat SS-581 and bummed a sack of spuds which they brought back to the barge and dumped on the deck in the galley. At the same time, the electricians cut off the electrical plug for the mixer and put a red OOC tag on it. The leading cook swopped to SS-563 three weeks later and the CS1(SS) we got for him was a huge improvement.

Keep a zero bubble.......


4/18/2009 12:59 PM

Blogger Steve Harkonnen said...

Horse cock = sliced lunch meatDiscussion on that in my book. Those were fun times....I hated boxed lunches, and that was the worst part.

4/18/2009 2:12 PM

Anonymous ex-ET nuke said...

Dynamited Chicken - Chicken Tetrazini

+1 baboon ass, 3x5, puss rocket, sliders, beanie/weenies, wagon wheels

4/18/2009 4:17 PM

Blogger DDM said...

Gorilla Cranks - Those Italian sausages always served with spaghetti or lasagna.

Vent covers - Veal cutlets

One morning an ET1 (nuke) was biting into a Bavarian Cream donut. He started rotating his lips and pulled out a big piece of toenail. He finished the donut and gave the toenail to the Galley Watch Captain. This MS2 later told us of all the things he used to do to the officers food and other choice crew members who liked to harrass the cooks. There's a movie about such chicanery, can't remember the name of it.

4/18/2009 5:30 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't remember what we called most of our food. I do remember that chicken never ran out, even after the cooks "lost" 300 pounds of it. Once we were pretty much out of coffee and food. For a few weeks all we were eating was a crust of potato pearls, cherry pie filling, and chicken.

4/18/2009 8:20 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Chicken Happy Fun Time"
Weren't you on the Pasadena?

4/18/2009 8:54 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Square fish--Hey stew (short for stew burner) where do you catch these square fish?? Square fish come from square lakes you dumb S**t everybody knows that!! You come in on the mid watch??

1971 arrival Hong Kong for a one week open gangway. leading cook went on emergency leave upon arrival. #2 cook was leaking from to much hookie-dookie in last port-o-call Keelung Taiwan--no workie.. #3 cook after evening meal on arrival recognizing what was happening to him for our stay in Hong Kong, went over the hill for our week in port. He turned over the keys to the freezer and chill box to the duty chief before he left. Wardroom had moved into the Hong Kong Hilton and the FSO didn't hear about what happened until the fourth day--too much drinkie and hookie-dookie.

Duty sections just made-do, cooked a lot of steak and lobster for four days.

When the FSO got down to the boat for his duty day he assigned on of the two wardroom stewards to be the duty cook for the last two days in port. That guy, a 1st class and a Filipino said F**k you do it yourself and threatened to go over the hill himself and/or get all his relatives in the PI to kill the FSO when we got to Subic (three weeks out). Anyway, duty sections just made do until we got underway. Our wayward #3 cook arrived back morning we sailed, Captains Mast busted to CSSN. Our #2 cook finally dried up after he quite drinking (in port) and the antibiotics worked. On of the torpedoman who fancied himself a baker volunteered to be night baker and actually did pretty good!

Sure was fun on smoke boats back in the day!!


4/19/2009 12:06 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

chicken cordon blue- chicken mf'ers (generally not abbreviated)

4/19/2009 12:13 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

DBFTMC(SS)USNRET That's a helluva' fun story.

If half of that shit happened on our boat today, everyone involved would be standing mast and either busted to E1 and/or disqualed and possibly sent to the brig.

I always love hearing the smoke boat stories. No one can make shit up like that. So at least 90% of most stories have to be true with maybe 10% embellishment.
Very nice

4/19/2009 1:27 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

beef stroganoff = beef stroke me off = masturbating cow (cool derivation nickname!)

4/19/2009 12:58 PM

Anonymous WilliamC said...

I can't believe no one mentioned "Tracers" or "Doorstops".

And to the smoke boat FTCM -- whatta story! Laughed 'til I couldn't hold the adobo anymore. I'm sure the FSO's finance records were just fine by the end of the cruise.

I recall a number of duty days when the cook failed to either arise or arrive. Made for some truely spectacular breakfasts usually assembled by an A-ganger with flair.

4/19/2009 2:34 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On the HL STIMSON (BLUE) we called veal cutlets 'TDU Weights.'

4/19/2009 4:11 PM

Blogger Don the Baptist said...

Hey you guys, how come beans aren't called bubble Makers or gas generators or decoys or something?

4/19/2009 10:15 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

TDU Weights = hamburger buns baked on board

On the USS LA in the early 80's had a bad batch of yeast. Buns came out hard and heavy

+1 to Horsecock

4/20/2009 8:17 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Slider shells = boat-made hamburger buns.

I also used to refer to the spices in the "five spice chicken" as desicant.


4/20/2009 9:21 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Fur burgers got me thinking about rimming the COW, Dive, or OOD's coffee cup. Rub dick several times around edge of the cup. Using a grease pencil, write a big "R" on the bottom of the cup. Every time the guy took a drink, the "R" got flashed thorughout the control room.

2. To Don The Baptist, Hey you guys, how come beans aren't called bubble Makers or gas generators or decoys or something----Except for occasional pork & beans, I don't remember any bean dishes. Maybe it was figured the scrubbers and burners couldn't handle the extra load.

3. From some of the names and descriptions mentioned, it seems like the menus went to shit sometime in the eighties. In the seventies the food was varied and well prepared. Lots of roast beef, roast pork, chops, potatoes through most of the patrol, canned but edible veggies, fat pills, etc....On my boat, Saturday lunch to just before supper was movie marathon and hamburger haven. Saturday night was pizza and casino night. Sunday supper was either crew's choice, steak or lobster. I'm hungry.

4/20/2009 11:46 AM

Anonymous subchop said...

Camel nuggets - horrific chicken nuggets we got in Bahrain.

We had one CSSN who was embarrased to say weenies in front of the co, so from that point forward we had beans with weens.

Different CS got mixed up between shredded motz and coconut, so we instituted hawian lazagna. Got a call from the duty officer on that one.

4/20/2009 12:51 PM

Anonymous EM1(SS) SSBN 655 79-85 said...

Pork Adobo, Pork Adobe.

Macaroni and Bland, mac and cheese.

Rainbow Ham and Rainbow Beef due to the oil it was packed in.

How could you tell the difference between dynamited turkey or dynamited pork?

Answer: Pork was served with apple sauce while turkey had stuffing.

I had forgotten cornish game hens were always served after ventilating. Was that a Navy rule?

4/20/2009 1:55 PM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

Camel nuggets - horrific chicken nuggets we got in Bahrain.

We had one CSSN who was embarrased to say weenies in front of the co, so from that point forward we had beans with weens.
I just had a flashback of perhaps the most FOUL hot dogs on the planet...obtained in Norway on my first trip up north. The crew pretty much boycotted them and they remained in the freeze box LONG after we got back. I think we finally got rid of them when we offloaded prior to the shipyard. Needless to say, those of us who made the next northern run made a strong case to get enough dogs beforehand to eliminate the need for a Norway food-pack. I STILL shudder at the memory.

4/20/2009 8:10 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ON my favorite 637 in the 80's we had a specialty known as "brake pads"... the toughest, dryest pork chop ever served to mammals.

4/21/2009 1:28 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking of foreign food load-outs...

On a Northern run we loaded what we called "reindeer" burgers. The Norwegian hamburgers were very high in fat, about twice the diameter of the typical skimpy slider and they tasted like a mixture of fatty pork & something else. Some of the crew loved them, some hated them. I thought they were okay except we had 'em on regular buns so there was burger hanging out the bun on all sides.

On UNITAS we had 'boll weevil' soup. Beef noodle soup with extra protein in the form of weevils. I didn't find out about the weevils until I went back for seconds when someone told me, and at that point it didn't matter...


4/21/2009 2:24 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK--here's another one--

SS-580 1974 SpecOp. Boooring. Movie time in 3rd week out. crew gets into a discussion about the menue. Gets heated over weather or not the skipper actually reads it before signing. Talk the leading cook CS1(SS) into putting a "test" item in the menue. Buried for a breakfast item for Tuesday is "Buffalo Barf on Toast". Menue goes to FSO, then to skipper comes back signed and is posted. More debate after posting during evening movie. lot of pro's and con's. consensus is to do another test. Next menue has a noon meal item buried midweek for "shit rolled in crackercrumbs". Goes to FSO who signs it, then to skipper who signs it and attaches a note saying, "bet you guys think I don't read this".

Great boat, great crew, turn too, f**k you as the saying went...........

Keep a zero bubble............


4/21/2009 9:07 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, Ok--just one more OK!??

New Years Eve in Keelung Taiwan (NOW THAT WAS A NEW YEARS TO REMEMBER!!!) FSO order fresh provisions from ship chandler in Keelung. They arrive on January 2, 1971. The FSO cut a deal and also got 10 reels of 16 mm porno flicks thrown in with the fresh produce. Old style black and white porno, some Chinese, some from Mexico and old US stuff. Kept us entertained until arrival Hong Kong 10 days later.

Smoke boats were fun!!!

Keep a zero bubble...........


4/21/2009 9:17 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess I need to tell you the rest of the story about the FSO who was actually a good guy. Former enlisted Nuc who went NESEP. The KOG wouldn't have him back in the program and banished him to smoke boats in 1970. Our skipper qualified him to stand inport DO just prior to arrival in Keelung Taiwan for New Years 1970-71. Has his first duty day upon arrival about noon. everyone bails except the duty section. DO and an electrician line up ventilation for a battery charge. Start battery charge. About that time, vendors arrive on the pier. Taiwanese plum liquor and girls. The vendors want navy coffee cups and flashlights! (don't ask me why) for the plum liquor, and get your $$$ out for the girls.

By dark, more women than sailors on the boat. Movie marathon going in crews mess. Girls running drinks to oiler in engine room and electrician and throttleman in maneuvering. Hookie-dookie in crews berthing.

DO throws open door to goat locker, tells duty Chief, "duty sections outa control on the boat!!!" Duty Chief who is sweet talking a young Taiwanese lovely says, "So what do you want me to do?" DO throws up his hands and screams, "Just don't blowup the boat!! and don't bother me in the Wardroom!!"

Kinda what it was like for the next three days....

When we left Keelung we had 17 coffee cups left on the boat. Try a coffee run to control with soup bowls. Electricians locked up all the emergency flash lights on New Years Day.

FSO came through with fresh produce and pornos though--what a STUD!!!

I miss those days!

Keep a zero bubble............


4/21/2009 9:47 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, these events took place on and around a DB about 10 years before I was even born. I can only imagine what life was like on the old DBs. I'm almost jealous, because it sounds like when a smoke boat pulled into port, you guys ruled the roost completely.

DBFTMC(SS)USNRET, When you say "The good old days," You damn well mean it.
That's pretty cool.

4/22/2009 12:52 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nairobi road marker- salibury steak

4/22/2009 1:29 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you all like smokeboat stories and have an hour or 20 of spare time to kill,look up Ol Goats "After Battery".Maybe someone computer smarter than me can post a link.Make plans for food and drink in advance as you will be there enjoying the wordsmithing of Dex and his cronies for more hours than you expected
Proud Dad

4/22/2009 7:44 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here it is:

I'm glad I scored in the top 10% of my last advancement exam. Because now, I'm going to be spending a fair amount of my personal time reading through this new site (well, new to me anyway). These stories have a lot of heart in them and they're equally funny as hell too.

Proud Dad, Thanks for mentioning the After Battery site.

4/23/2009 12:31 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cooks really hate Angles-and-Dangles. We did a surprize down angle once that launched the noon chicken from the oven, even after the cooks requested they be informed before hand, and the door locks were engaged. Needless to say, anything that hit the deck went on the wardroom plate.

We also had a nuke Chief that would come through the mess deck on his way back aft, right past the menu, then call the cooks to see what was for chow. About the third time this happened, he got the message that lunch was "Cake and cock, and the baker just went on strike." Well this didn't deter him, so the cook asked me to take his breakfast order the next morning, and he asked for one hot dog, and two eggs sunny side up. I told the cook to start grilling the dog till it was dead, then slid it onto the plate between the eggs, in a very suggestive manner. Out the gally window it went, and that was the end of bugging the cooks for the menu.

4/23/2009 8:13 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On my first boat, a fleet-snorkle in 1961, guys would ask the cook whats for chow? Same response--"Cake and cock and we just ran out of cake. Read the menue dumb s**T!"

some stuff never changes..........

Keep a zero bubble........


4/23/2009 9:46 PM

Blogger Seawolf said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4/24/2009 4:45 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chicken Happy Fun Time. Yeah, that was my specialty on the Pasadena.

Who are you?


4/24/2009 4:47 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's Funny. CS3 Johnson claimed to have come up with Chicken Happy Fun Time. I didn't think so, he wasn't that talented. This is CS1 Tim Poole, I met you at the Pentagon last year. CSC Roberts is getting ready to transfer and I am taking over LCS. How do you like working for ADM Donald? I met the missus a couple of months ago and she seemed really nice.

4/25/2009 10:29 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We bump into each other all over the place don't we! LCS! Congrats! Is Shafer still there?

I really love my job. I love the area too.

Good luck with the 'Dena! Anytime, Anywhere!

Great to hear from you.


4/26/2009 5:46 AM

Anonymous TJOB said...

Snake eggs -- little nasty canned taters that could be served boiled, deep fried, name it. Often disguised by chopping them up to resemble breakfast potatoes. Typically showed up when all other forms of starch had been exhausted.

4/26/2009 6:58 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chicken terrazo for chicken tetrazini

4/29/2009 1:40 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beef Yakisoba = Poodles and Noodles

11/04/2009 8:57 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dynamited Chicken - Chicken Cacciatore

4/09/2010 2:21 PM

Blogger Unknown said...

it's good to see this information in your post, i was looking the same but there was not any proper resource, thanx now i have the link which i was looking for my research.

Kind Regards,
Family Dentist

6/11/2011 5:32 AM

Anonymous Eleanore said...

Oh my god, there is really much helpful info here!

9/06/2012 1:35 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed this site and this thread about sub food. Never been in the service but subs fascinate me. Thanks for the hysterical food thread!!

Tony - civilian who appreciates your service to our country.

10/02/2012 5:17 AM


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