Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Submarine Olympics

Expect light posting for the next couple of weeks while the Olympics are on; we're big Olympics fans here in the Bubblehead household. (Plus, tomorrow I'll be celebrating the 25th anniversary of when my wife and I met, when I was a student at NPTU Idaho and she was a student at Idaho State.)

What were your favorite "Submarine Olympics" events? The 25m Slide Down The Long Passageway During Angles 'n Dangles? The Midrats Vent Cover Eating Finals? Did you have any personal favorites?


Anonymous laughter in manslaughter said...

The best official one:
EAB Dash: CSES to ASW bay and back, either single or relay.

Best Non-Official one:
Pistol, Used a rubber band and some beans stolen from the cooks. Targets varied between meters, empty cans, or nubs.

2/14/2010 5:24 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The best submarine olympic sport:

Arm wrestle the one-eyed vessel!

Several events:

- How many times in a 24 hour period

- On watch

- Short track: Between meal and relieving the watch

- Between being relieved and after watch cleanup

- After field day and before relieving the watch

- Between first wakeups and the meal


Team relays:

- Watch section combined totals

- Division combined totals

- Enlisted vs. Officers

Of course, there are the marathons:

- Total underway

- Total deployment

- Total at Test Depth

Inport venues:

- On watch

- Total duty day

Yep, nothing says submarine olympics like boxing the one-eyed champ!!

2/14/2010 5:57 PM

Blogger Rubber Ducky said...

I think the LTJG Distance Throw should be among the favorites. LTJG Jack Feeney was in-port duty officer, Sub Base New London piers, SS-244. Had just that day qualified in submarines. Was called topside on the 1MC for an 'Emergency! Duty Officer topside, after battery hatch!'

Three of his wardroom mates, all qualified, grabbed him as he popped up from the mess deck, intent on throwing him overboard, as was the custom then.

As he struggled, he had presence of mind to say 'You can't throw me overboard - I'm the duty officer! I can't leave the ship!'

In spite of his protestations and as he was flying mid-air towards splashdown, one of his assailants, the senior watch officer, made sure no rules were broken - he cried out 'I relieve you sir!' Schplock.

2/14/2010 6:03 PM

Blogger ret.cob said...

On 644 I built a crossbow out of an M-14 stock, a stainless steel ruler and lock-wire. Filed a point on a welding rod to use as a bolt. We would stand in front of the torpedo tubes and shoot aft at a nauga-seat target. I missed once and the bolt went flying down the middle-level ops passageway past the wardroom and staterooms toward the galley. Luckily, no one got in the way. Thinking back on it now, it was a pretty dumb idea. We should have shot toward the tubes.

On another occasion, on 632, we were doing angles and dangles with midshipmen onboard. They were sliding on towel luges down the middle-level ops passageway, fore to aft in an up angle, when one of them hit the CO2 cannister at the dogleg sending it flying aft (downhill) into the watertight door to the missile compartment. It hit the door so hard it knocked the handle and nozzle assembly off the cannister. The bottle was rocketing off the bulkheads until all the gas was gone. It made a helluva racket. The XO came down to investigate, of course, and he astutely observed that since this was all happening right outside the goat locker, it was our fault for not stopping the luge event! Bastard. Oh well, it's fun now, remembering.

2/14/2010 6:12 PM

Anonymous srvd_ssn_qm3(ftn) said...

Fairwater planes diving; best flip, most painful, closest to hitting the hull. Good times.

2/14/2010 8:27 PM

Blogger chief torpedoman said...

On the 608 class SSBN, the mess decks was right outsite of the Torpedo Room. The room watch could straddle the water tight door coaming with one foot still in the torpedo room and watch the crews movie.

If you were real good, the weapons office never caught you since the ward room was down the passageway.

To Ret Cob. No don't shoot toward the tubes. Too much to damage there. Just close the TR door first.

2/14/2010 8:50 PM

Blogger Lou said...

Non-qual EAB races were always a favorite, form TR to shaft alley and and back.
During ORSE patrols there was the fire hose relay where the watch team had to deploy the specified hose to the required location.

2/15/2010 5:11 AM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

Back when paper charts were en vogue...Chart-Tube Cannon wars. For those unfamiliar...charts come rolled up in a "tube within a tube" which are remarkably tight-fitting. Extract the inner tube 3/4 of the way, place the lid on - holding snug with your hand, shove inner tube into outer tube as fast as humanly possible. Amazing the air pressure that can build up. Getting hit with the lid HURTS if you're within a few feet of it! Must be a submarine thing...I talk about it to my skimmer students and they have NO idea what I'm talking about!

2/15/2010 5:23 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re Anonymous at 5:57;

How about in every compartment of the boat? We had an RO come on the boat having been decom crew on on of the 640 boomers that the US chopped up in the 80's.

His goal in life was to "wrestle" in every compartment on the boat. One night, I was SRO with the Rx Compartment open, he comes aft, gets dressed in Anti-C's, and goes into the RC. 5 minutes later, you hear a hearty "YES!" booming through the hatch.

Submariners really are disgusting, aren't they?

Joe Alferio

2/15/2010 6:39 AM

Blogger ret.cob said...

Joe, Only bubbleheads would turn a perfectly innocent question about the Olympic Games into a series of answers involving intimate sex acts with oneself... Amazing!!!

Chief TM, Good point! Next time I build a crossbow and shoot in a submarine I'll remember your advice! :-)

2/15/2010 10:05 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The best submarine olympic sport:

Arm wrestle the one-eyed vessel!

? Your kidding... An olympic event? Crap, I bet i am good because I do that all the time during nonolympic years.
MR Mulligan

2/15/2010 10:31 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


Good call on every compartment.

We used to have a guy that would only do the turkey toss to pictures of guys wives. Not girlfriends, cousins, 12 year old sisters or nuns, only wives. He would even "autograph" the picture if requested.

I didn't mind giving him a picture of my wife, but I thought the "autograph" was a little twisted.

Jim C.
Retired ANAV

2/15/2010 10:46 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

As I remember it was referred to as "owning the space".

/CO's stateroom, ENG's shampoo bottle

2/15/2010 11:11 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's been so long ago since I qualified, I cannot remember their (bulkhead flappers)function. If you close the torpedo room door for a little crossbow practice, do you need to close the bulkhead flapper also?

2/15/2010 11:15 AM

Blogger chief torpedoman said...

Anon @ 11:15 AM.
Yep, I forgot to mention that if you close the TR door, don't foget to shut the bulkhead flapper first or everyone's eardrums get compressed. It also makes a hell of a noise trying to open the door if you didn't shut the flapper first.

God it has been so long.

2/15/2010 11:26 AM

Blogger ret.cob said...

Chief Torpedoman, I was going to mention something about the ventilation lineup but I'll be damned if I could remember so I was hoping someone else would chime in, and sure enough, now we know. Damper was right over the door and you had to shut it first, or listen to the guys coming out of the bunkroom bitching about their ears popping. Ah, those were the days boys!

2/15/2010 1:30 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kajiromi race in FTR SS-348 on 1962 specop. Kajiromi infiltration of After Battery using crawling wedge formation.

Kajiromi=Japanese body lice.

Keep a zero bubble............


2/15/2010 2:20 PM

Blogger Ret ANAV said...

"His goal in life was to "wrestle" in every compartment on the boat. One night, I was SRO with the Rx Compartment open, he comes aft, gets dressed in Anti-C's, and goes into the RC. 5 minutes later, you hear a hearty "YES!" booming through the hatch."

SSN-642, late '90's. There was a Koa wood bust of Kamehameha I just outside the WR. Tradition held that your last BDW prior to transferring was a midwatch...during which you would coax a Happy Ending onto the bust (More properly, square in the face). Sucked to be the Pantry Watch Captain/WR FSA the next day.

2/15/2010 4:36 PM

Anonymous Bill said...

That just ain't right...

2/15/2010 5:56 PM

Blogger kwicslvr said...

Horse cock eating contest during halfway night. Man I hated those sausuges...

2/16/2010 3:05 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK. I keep thinking I should show my wife this blog, just to show her a little of what life was like on the boat... But, then, I think I better not, because this stuff is WAY TOO BIZARRE!

Joe Alferio

2/16/2010 6:59 AM

Anonymous bill said...

Others just wouldn't understand...

2/16/2010 8:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

According to some, I hold the current "Olympic" record for the longest hang time jumping out of my bunkie, at test depth, on a 688, heading for the chow line!

RP, HMCM(SS) Retired

2/16/2010 1:05 PM

Anonymous sub-rm said...

I wonder what the record is for longest time in a rack. Has to be held by a corpsman or a ELT....

2/16/2010 2:20 PM

Anonymous MMCS(SS) Ret. said...

Not sure about the longest time in the rack record, but we had a Nuc Et whose self winding watch kept stopping, think he may hold the record!

2/16/2010 4:36 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Only bubbleheads would turn a perfectly innocent question about the Olympic Games into a series of answers involving intimate sex acts with oneself... Amazing!!!"

The control room watchsections used to play a game called "How low can you get". It involved taking any conversation, no matter how innocent, and turning it nasty. The main rule was that the change had to be subtle. It was usually the best when someone didn't know about the game and was talking about something personal (i.e. little sister, family death, religious practices, etc.).

All the watchstanders played with the exception of the usual suspects (engineer, of course, the CO and other uptight people). It was also fun to play during training.

The conversations usually ended with gay sex or crude discussions about whores/wives.

Ah, the fun, boring times on a submarine! Thank god the public doesn't really know who we have there driving their submarines, running nuclear reactors and guarding the WMD's.

2/16/2010 6:35 PM

Blogger chief torpedoman said...

How to increase the blood pressure of a new diving officer.
I guess the usual way is to do a trim party or perhaps the Chief of the Watch conveniently forget to give him a progress report on how much he is pumping from aux tanks to after trim. I even saw one COW that said “750?” “I thought you said pump 7500”.
I was a young nub doing my watch on the Stern Planes.
OOD: Diving Officer, make you depth xxx feet .
Diving Officer: Make my depth xxx feet, aye.
We were slowly getting there when a few minutes later.
OOD: Diving Officer what is your depth?
Diving Officer: xxx feet, proceeding to xxx feet.
Frustrated OOD: something about he was taking too long and “what do you need a fifteen down bubble?”
Me: “Fifteen down, aye”.

I never seen a man come up out of his chair so fast! Of course I had not move the planes a bit. Sometimes an ass chewing really is worth it.

2/17/2010 9:29 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Helmsman, 3 knots to nowhere. Drowsy, tired started to fall asleep. COB was the Dive; "Damnit ****, "Wake the f**k up over!" I answered "How?" He said "I don't care if you have to play with yourself, just stay awake" Hearty play with myself aye-aye. It took a little while for anyone to notice, but I was thoroughly enjoying my recent order. For me the closest I came to olympics was my mantra: 'after every watch whether I need to or not'.

ex MissSh*tcan A-ganger

2/17/2010 6:53 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Piloting party fathometer operator on a fish boat during the mid-watch at PD. Bored as hell in 2k fathoms of water but too close to the closest point of land so I was stuck there for hours.

Turned off the already dimmed chart paper lights on the old BQN-17 & except for the digital readout my section of Control was black... Closest watchstander was the QMOW at his table w/ a tiny rig for red maplight that he'd use for half a minute every round.

"Quartermaster, hand me a kim-wipe, would ya? Thanks!"

About 2 15 minute rounds later...
"Hey, can you throw this in the garbage for me?" (His chair doubled as a trash can.)

QMOW: What did you need a kimwipe for?

I told him he didn't want to know and then re-zipped my poopie...

For DC Olympics we did a breath-holding contest. The Diver pin wearing guys were pissed when a smoker beat them somehow.

2/18/2010 10:28 PM

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It has been such a long time back since i have competent, We can't keep in mind their own (bulkhead flappers)function. Should you near the actual torpedo space doorway for any small crossbow exercise, must you near the actual bulkhead flapper additionally?

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