While we're waiting for Lt. Raymond Perry, USN (Ret.) to respond to my E-mail, I thought I'd fill the time by directing you to some of the best collections of submarine humor on the 'net. A disclaimer: non-submariners will probably look at this stuff as think, "This isn't funny". For those of us who've been there, though, it'll be quite funny in a desperate, "what was I doing" kind of way.
A good start is at Ron Martini's "The Golden Rivet". It starts with that old classic, "Suggestions for the ex-submariner that misses the good old days on the boat." Some excerpts:
1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Two to three hours after you fall asleep, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack".
2. Repeat back everything anyone says to you.
3. Spend as much time as possible indoors and avoid sun light. Only view the world through the peep hole on your front door.
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. Shower once a week. Use no more than 2 gallons of water per shower.
5. Buy a trash compactor and use it once a week. Store garbage in the other side of your bathtub.
6. Sit in your car for six hours a day with your hands on the wheel and the motor running, but don't go anywhere. Install 200 extra oil temperature gauges. Take logs on all gages and indicators every 30 minutes.
This one is my favorite: 100 Reasons Why Working at McDonald's is Better than Submarining. (Warning: Some bad words.)
Over at submarinesailor.com, here's a collection of humorous sea stories.
If anyone's got any more collections, put 'em in the comments, and I'll move 'em up into the body of this entry...
Update 1120 09 Feb: From the comments -- A good source of sea stories is over at After Battery; just keep scrollin' and clickin'. A. E. Brain offers the Submarines Australia site, but warns that the Humor page (yes, I can't spell in "English") may not be for the easily offended. For those visiting from Castle Argghhh!!! , I'd like to point out that it's "Jayhawk", not "Chickenhawk".