Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

You Can't Make Up Stuff Like This

Still no useful tabs on Blogger, so I'm doing this all with html tags; bear with me if it doesn't work (although it did work on the post below.) The latest issue of Undersea Warfare has a picture (bottom of page) of one of my shipmates on the Topeka, who's now XO on one of the USS Henry M. Jackson (SSBN-730)crews. This got me to thinking of another JO I served with on Topeka who has probably finished up his XO tour by now, and a sea story he once told. This one is so out there that I figured no one could make it up. He was doing a split JO tour on Topeka, so he had started off on another boat that had been decommissioned. Here's his story:
"This is a no sh*tter. Our last underway, I got relieved as evening watch Engineering Officer of the Watch at midnight, and went to find the off-going OOD. We were going to wake the CO to give him our relief report, when the OOD says he's got an idea. We dress up in anti-C's, Mk V gas masks, and grab two battle lanterns. We quietly go into the COs stateroom, shine the lights in his face, and scream, 'My God, we found one alive!' He chewed our ass, but seeing the look on his face before he realized it wasn't his worst nightmare coming true was totally worth it."

Note: Although this is listed as being published at 2:46pm, I'm actually getting it onto the web site at 5:53pm MST because the Blogger server bites...

7 Comments:

Blogger bothenook said...

yup, it has to be true because it starts with "this is a no sh**ter", magic words indeed.

we had a similar trick that had it's genesis in a cartoon in the dolphin calendar one year.
three sailors in steinke hoods, a flashlight, and a bucket of water. we crept into the goat locker, which of course required the collusion of the entire rest of the goats. lights were out in the berthing area, so we huddled around the COB's rack, grabbed the curtain, jerked it back rapidly, screaming all the while,..."hurry up COB, grab this" ...sploosh with the bucket..."hood. i can't believe you slept through the announcement...hurry up...you're the last one...."
i spent a hilarious week doing every crap job until the COB got over the near heart attack. it was good.

3/29/2005 6:03 PM

 
Blogger ninme said...

That's *horrible*! Those poor guys! You're going to give them terrible phobias.

3/29/2005 7:13 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was a JO on PARCHE, I once got off the evening watch as EOOW and was curious to see an air hose leading from an EAB manifold in the Wardroom up the stateroom passageway. I followed in to the Engineer's stateroom where I observed a Machinist 's Mate in a steam suit leaning over the Eng's rack yelling, "Engineer, we've had a small problem with the aux steam system!" The Eng, a rather high-strung guy, bolted up in his rack and just about knocked himself unconcious on his bunk light. Chuckled about that one for weeks...

3/29/2005 7:45 PM

 
Anonymous Pig Boat Sailor said...

Again, this is a no sh**ter- The best wake up I ever saw was done, inadvertantly, by a middie. His running mate, a short-timed JO, had told him the Eng reviewed daily water chem at midnight. So he sent the mid to the Eng's stateroom with a yellow poly bag, filled with water, and a chem lite at the bottom of the bag, "To facilitate his inspection of the water sample." Needless to say, the Eng just about burst a blood vessel =)

3/30/2005 6:17 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I served with LCDR Fernandez on the USS Portsmouth 1998-2000 where he served as the Navigator and I as the lead FT. One of the most sailor friendly Officers I have encountered, always asking about Family and concerned about his men.

3/30/2005 8:07 AM

 
Blogger Bubblehead said...

Ed really is one of the good guys. His running mate on the Topeka, though, was an MIT grad who ended up taking the watch too soon after too much liberty one day and announcing over the 1MC, "This is Lt (j.g.) Xxxxxx, I've assumed the watch as EDO, and I'm drunk off my ass!" Henceforth, Ed didn't have a running mate...

3/31/2005 9:47 PM

 
Anonymous Clell said...

"Your're the last one" is an old joke. Heard it the first time onboard the Bolivar circa 1977.

4/05/2005 11:29 PM

 

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