Get Thee Hence, Satan!

Today, October 15, 2007, is a day which will live in famy (the opposite of infamy) for the denizens of 'Husker Nation. Our long national nightmare is over; Satan has been fired as Nebraska's Athletic Director.

Long-time readers will know that I've been warning for some time that Satan had assumed human form and was serving as the AD at the University of Nebraska. His plan, which was obvious to me from the beginning, was to destroy all that was good and holy in one state -- Nebraska -- as the beginning of his part of the Apocalypse. He did this by firing a coach who had gone 58-19 over the previous six years, and bringing in a foreigner who would run the "Wet Toast offense" rather than the power option attack that had served the 'Huskers so well over the previous decades. This year, Satan tried to finish the job by making the school's beloved Blackshirt defense into a bunch of non-tackling dummies -- probably by putting something in their food -- and that was his downfall. The state rose up, and Satan was overthrown. O Happy Day! Now, it is our fervent hope that the state's Messiah, Dr. Tom Osborne, will come out of retirement to take the AD job (at least on an interim basis -- after all, he is 70 years old), and use it to do what is right -- get rid of the carpetbaggers currently occupying the coach's offices and bring back a true 'Husker hero to be the next head coach: Turner Gill.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Update 0129 17 Oct: Hallelujah! Dr. Tom has answered our prayers, and agreed to serve as Nebraska's interim AD. It's like manna from heaven, except it's in the form of footballs.

Update 1944 17 Oct: Here's the most recent picture of Satan, supposedly taken on "O" Street in Lincoln earlier today: