iVIP Tour
Why, yes, that is the actress from iCarly looking into Tube #1 aboard USS Hartford (SSN 768) today:
The cast of the Nickelodeon show was at SUBASE NLON today for an advanced screening of their upcoming episode that talks about how kids can provide support for U.S. military families. More pictures from the visit are here.
What's the funniest lie you've ever told a VIP tourer on your boat?
posted by Bubblehead at 5:48 PM
84 Comments:
You're supposed to tell the truth anytime during the tour?
On a boomer, my standard line when asked about nuclear weapons onboard after the standard "neither can confirm or deny..." BS was, with a wink:
"However, you wouldn't go to a gunfight without loading your gun, would you?"
That would get some "oh yea" head nods.
Also, when telling the tour group to feel free and ask any questions, I always used the standard line:
"If your question is classified, I will tell you it's classified. If I don't know the answer, I will tell you it's classified. If I get tired of answering questions, I will tell you it's classified."
That was always good for laugh (despite the truth in it).
Always liked to mention that Guam stands on three legs and that we could go under it.
The underwater tunnel to Area 51 is always a good one too.
One kid, who was enthusiastic about becoming a submariner someday, had a paperback copy of Blind Man's Bluff and asked if I could autograph it for him. I said sure and wrote:
"Hope you enjoyed the tour. Stay focused and become a great submariner! Enjoy my life story. DOLPHIN 22!
Your humble servant,
QMC(SS) .........
Assistant Navigator
USS Chicago (SSN 7210"
I always wondered what happened to him?
Jim C.
1/11/2012 6:27 PM
The Mk 1, Mod 0, Ship's Inertial Navigation System (SINS) was a valuable piece of navigation equipment. In reality it was a broke-dick piece of junk that took up an unbelievable amount of space and defied repair even by techreps.
1/11/2012 7:05 PM
That the VDS doors on a 1052 were opened to deploy the submarine nets.
1/11/2012 7:36 PM
Many years ago, on SSN 700 in Toulon, France, speaking with a submarine skipper, an obvious French spook, and their wives: ...that the towed array fairing was an HP air connection.
1/11/2012 8:56 PM
Is an iCarly some sort of Apple product? Guess I don't watch enough Nickelodeon.
1/11/2012 8:58 PM
The Terrible Destruction Unit.
ICarly? She's over 19, I don't feel
guilty watching her!
hagar
1/11/2012 10:09 PM
I miss the VIP tours in the 70's when women wore miniskirts.
ex-EM1(SS)
1/12/2012 5:33 AM
Yup.. "Please take your time ma'm coming down.. slowly, slowly"
1/12/2012 6:17 AM
"Of course we can get out of the submarine if it sinks--see the hatches?"
1/12/2012 7:55 AM
I once told an arrogant know-it-all about submarines that the TDU was in reality a Turd Disposal Unit and that everyone on board crapped into it and the last one to fill it had to conduct TDU ops.
1/12/2012 11:05 AM
"We generally only go active if there are a lot of whales in the area"
"Yes, yes we can hear the crew of the other boat singing their national anthem"
"No, the captain doesn't bring his dog to sea with us...mostly because of our MS division"
One of our guys told Carol Alt that every time we transmit active sonar, it kills a dolphin or a whale.
1/12/2012 11:29 AM
Deleted a spamment.
1/12/2012 12:32 PM
On the Barbel, we used to tell people that the access to the SK shack in lower level was actually the access to the Flying Sub.
1/12/2012 6:17 PM
Never had VIPs in the plant. Avoided them; none were female and the requisite field days prior to embarkation soured attitudes anyway.
1/13/2012 1:45 AM
As a QM on duty in the Control Room, I was always bagged to give tours while in foreign ports. It got old real quick.
1/13/2012 11:17 AM
Completely unrelated, but funny, another Hitler video!
1/13/2012 6:32 PM
She's a hottie....I'd hit it!
1/13/2012 9:31 PM
We told a boy scout troop that the ESM was our way of detecting other boats in the area, and that if we found then in the area when we were conducting secret operations, we sank them. "You guys have heard of the Bermuda Triangle right?" "You don't think those ships just disappeared do you?"
1/14/2012 12:23 PM
Yes, I love the USS Honolulu (95-99 time frame). It is the best boat on the waterfront. CO, XO and COB are fantastic!
Best or worst lie I ever told!
1/14/2012 4:45 PM
We told Kirk Douglas he had a phone call in the crews lounge. We were a few hundred feet underwater at the time. I've got pictures.
1/15/2012 8:22 PM
Whenever anyone asked if we carried nuclear weapons, while in the torpedo room on a fast attack, I'd lean against one of the pointy torpedos and give the required answer, "I can neither confirm nor deny...."
1/15/2012 8:44 PM
When I was on an LST I used to tell visitors the derrick arms that supported the bow ramp were missile launchers.
1/16/2012 1:15 AM
We had a VIP cruise from FT. Liquerdale on the Miami in her early days. I'm pretty sure it included the devil janet reno. I was hosting a tour prior to diving in the machinery room as the machinery room watch and explaining the EOG and how it operated. I hear a pop of air, and the AEF walks from behind the diesel in an EAB, hooks into the station at the reducers, points at the HIGH Radiation sign on the aft bulkhead,
takes a couple of huffs, and moves forward out of the space. The civvy's all look at me in suprise, so I just shrug my shoulders and kept talking about the EOG. Not
one of them asked a question about it.
hagar
1/16/2012 4:04 AM
Alpha trials on the Miami new-conn. We have about 50 or 60 riders from EB soaking up the dollars for the 2 day ride. We get out to the dive point, get permission to conduct the initial dive, and open the vents.
As we passed a 25 degree down angle at PD, the Dive blows the forward group and secures the dive. MBT 5 vent didn't fully open. We troubleshot it down to an over torqued handwheel bolt on the operator which would not allow it to operate hydraulically.
A and IC DIV commenced wearing stanke hoods on our waists. And when asked, we asked the EB workers "don't like your product? I'll beat you out of the hatch".
It was an interesting alpha trials. They wanted to kick our asses.
hagar
1/16/2012 4:15 AM
Sea Trials on TREPANG during new construction in 1970. There was a section of formica in the wardroom that was glued on the top and the bottom. When the sub changed depth and the hull compressed the formica strip bowed out. We rigged a ruler to calibrate the bow. During the test depth dive, an EB worker was shown this impromptu depth gage and immediately retreated to his assigned air mattress in the torpedo room. He did not move from there until the surfacing after sea trials. I heard that he did not get paid for the trip because he refused to work.
1/16/2012 9:25 AM
Her iCarly character apparently has a father that is in the Air Force yet assigned to a ballistic missile submarine....Curious...One of my kids that watches her mentioned this to me and the only response I could come up with was that most Air Force officers are assigned to golf course pro shops.
1/16/2012 6:52 PM
Used to get asked during tours if we have lifeboats. I answered - "sure, 1 in the torpedo room and one in the engine room".
No one ever asked how a sub with 150 guys could fit into 2 lifeboats!
I used to say that the lifeboats were only good for "mothers and congressmen" so that both would be satisfied upon hearing that we have lifeboats but would never follow up with a question to figure out the lifeboats were completely useless!
1/17/2012 8:24 AM
anon @ 8:24 am. Speaking of life rafts. On my last Westpac, while in Subic, we pulled the raft out of the aft escape trunk and placed it topside. One day noticed that the raft was gone. Those damn SRF workers would take off with any thing.
1/17/2012 8:48 PM
When you have hot little girls like these on the tours, guys always let them sit in the chairs. Then after they leave, they all running over to sniff the seats.
Gotta love Sailors!
1/20/2012 7:38 AM
Blogs are so interactive where we get lots of informative on any topics...... nice job keep it up !!
1/30/2012 6:57 AM
Cool post! Thanks a lot.
2/08/2012 4:16 AM
The real reason behind this whole PR display was to get Obama reelected. Icarly and the cast also were at the Dealey center promoting an episode that featured Mrs. Obama supporting the military families. Just another ploy to try to show how the administration is trying to brainwash us into thinking that the current way is the best way. While unemployment is still way up and gas prices are spiraling out of control along with a pile of other things that are wrong. But keep doing the same ole same ole. It will all be OK if ignored.
2/21/2012 9:20 AM
Blogs are so interactive where we get lots of informative on any topics...... nice job keep it up !!
3/08/2012 12:00 AM
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