Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Friday, August 12, 2005

Aussie "Humour"

Found this allegedly humorous article in "The Age" on the Australian Navy's problems with their submarines. Now, some of it is pretty funny, if you assume the writer actually respects submariners. In this case, though, I'm not so sure. There are some decent lines, though:

"So why did we build these subs ourselves? And why did we model these weapons of war on a design from Sweden, a country famous for not fighting wars? The captain stumbles for an answer before suddenly saying: "Hey, how would you like to fire a torpedo?" The troubled combat systems aboard the sub fleet have been rectified, he assures me as a torpedo is loaded into a tube.
"Then one of the crew sneezes, bumps his head on the launch console and the torpedo is away - and heading straight for a cruise ship! On a monitor we watch with growing horror as the torpedo homes in on its target, and we brace for the massive explosion.
"But when the torpedo hits there is no explosion. Instead the top of the torpedo springs open and out come hundreds of tiny clown fish, just like Nemo (see fig. 1). The captain makes a note to get some new torpedoes, and this time not from The $2 Shop."

Maybe I'm just getting too old to appreciate it. Zoe Brain... any thoughts from your end?


Blogger Zoe Brain said...

From the author's website :

Jim Schembri was born on 21 April, 1962 at Williamstown Hospital in the western suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. A few years later he attended Altona East Primary School and Paisley High School, where his flair for English and literature was matched by an astonishing lack of affinity with such subjects as maths, science, physics and chemistry.

In 1980 he worked as a copy boy for TV Week and New Idea magazines. The promise of a cadetship in journalism was withdrawn after a journalists' strike, so Jim resigned and took up a deferred position at Monash University. There he maintained an impressive C+ average, graduating in 1983 with a double major in Sociology and English literature.

He began working at The Age newspaper in 1984, where he presently works full-time as a feature writer, film reviewer and cultural commentator.

After a decade dedicated solely to journalism, Jim began developing his other writing interests. His first book, Room for One, was published in 1994. He has since written over 40 books, including eight novels for young adults, several novelettes and numerous illustrated books for children, some of which have been published in Canada and the United States.

In his own time Jim loves to write, read, watch TV, catch mice, sing in the spa, talk on the phone and collect Star Wars toys.

Need I say more? He thinks he's being a wit. He's half right.

As for the Age, they'er getting pretty desperate: this guy normally writes film reviews. And it shows.

On a more serious note, I strongly suggest the USN mandate regular doses of a new prophylactic anti-radiation medication for all crew,of SSNs, SSBNs and SSGNs, past and present.

This drug has been tested by crew of RAN submarines for many years, and has been found most effective. We have had zero cases of radiological illness from service on board RAN boats since they first came into service, in 1915.

8/14/2005 1:38 AM


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