Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Realistic RTS Wargaming Sims

A couple years ago, I remember reading this classic send-up of what our troops have to go through in the real world of 21st century warfighting, written from the standpoint of an RTS (Real-Time Strategy) gameplayer. If you don't play RTSs (I'm a Warcraft II man myself -- yes, I know, completely old school) you probably won't enjoy the humor. I liked it though...

"I want fat, left-wing documentarians carefully editing the only the most incriminating footage, countered only by low-IQ country music singers crooning my praises while in American Flag-colored cowboy hats."
"In my Public Support display let me find out that the news media has run, in the same magazine, one story blasting us for going to war for minerals and another story blasting us for not acting on the continuing mineral shortage back home."
"I want to be able to build a POW camp structure where enemy soldiers and suicide bombers are held should they somehow survive battle or should their suicide bombing only be half-successful. I want to right-click on the building and open an option that says "Interrogate Prisoners," which will make parts of the map open up and reveal enemy positions, saving my own units from ambushes. Then, I want a little cutscene to pop up to announce that photos of my prisoner interrogations have emerged, sparking international outrage because several prisoners were upset and humiliated and some even physically harmed. The whole world is shocked. Because people were physically harmed. In a war. "

Going deep...


Blogger Kalroy said...

Pretty dang funny.


8/10/2005 6:41 PM


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