Why I Don't Cook Much

SubBasket made a wonderful crock-pot pot roast today; when it came time to get out the gravy, though, we found that we didn't have the "store-bought" variety that the boys normally like. No problem, I said: I could make the gravy! It didn't matter that I hadn't ever made gravy (other than stirring gravies that others had made) -- it couldn't be that tough.

So, being the 21st century guy that I am, I went on the 'net looking for a quick beef gravy recipe; here's what I found. Advertised to take only five minutes, and so simple that even I couldn't screw it up:

1/2 cup au jus
1 cup water
4 Tbls. flour
1/4 tsp. pepper
salt to taste
Bring the juice from meat and half of the water to a boil. Stir flour into the other half cup of water until the lumps are gone. Add salt and pepper to boiling mixture. Then, while still stirring slowly pour in the flour and water mixture.The gravy should thicken immediately.

I knew our boys liked gravy, and I easily got 2 cups of au jus from the crock pot, so I just multiplied the recipe by 4. (Had to go on-line again to figure out how much 16 tablespoons is; turns out that it's a cup.)

Just like the recipe said, the gravy thickened really easily -- maybe too easily:


Well, thick gravy is OK; and, it wasn't too lumpy, so I figured it might taste alright. Then we tried it. It turns out that the recipe seems to have been put on the Internet as a prank; some of the reviews included:

"It tastes like paste": DeepDiver
"What spawn of Satan cooked this?": Istand1337
"It was a good try, honey": SubBasket

I've always been jealous of those guys like bothenook who can cook; it's just not part of who I am, I guess. I still make some pretty good "tuna casserole", though. (Boil egg noodles; drain. Add 2 cans Cream of Mushroom soup, 3 cans drained tuna, and some milk. Stir.)

Going deep...