Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Midwatch Discussion -- Worst Toilets

Remember the discussions you'd have on the midwatch in Control or Maneuvering? The ones where you always knew deep down that you really should be going over the stuff in the Night Orders you were supposed to be discussing, but instead got into a 3 hour conversation about something like "things on a submarine named after animals" ("White Rat", "Bear Trap", etc.)? The incomparable ninme posted about Asian toilets a few days ago, and that got me thinking it would be a good topic for conversation...

The first time I ever saw a "squat toilet" was in a bar in Korea. Luckily, I only had to stand while using it; I never did actually use it for #2. I still have no idea about what the unwritten code is for their use (there were three holes in the floor of the bar's bathroom) -- do you just drop you pants around your ankles and squat in the middle of the room?

So the topic of discussion is: what's the worst / most interesting bathroom you've run across in liberty ports around the world?


Anonymous Typical BCE said...

Having gone to mast for discussing "non-propulsion-related" information in Maneuvering (the Eng caught me trying to keep the SRO awake; we'd basically been port and re-port as the only two SROs during an EQ charge), recalling the details of any conversations on watch fill me with a painful nostalgia. Those were such very, very good times.

3/27/2008 7:12 AM

Anonymous 41 4 freedom E divr said...

@typical bce

Did the ENG make you hop gravities afterwards???

3/27/2008 8:25 AM

Anonymous Biscuits said...

I’d converse with my buddy about what we’d find in the sh*t pump next time we took it apart. Sometimes we’d have bets on what was in there. That or what clogged the sh*tters.

Speaking of different toilets. Being IA out here in Afghanistan, my little FOB has a good variety. In the connex boxes we have regular toilets, the floors toilets, and the English (Backwards) toilets. I get a kick out of the English toilets. The hole is in the front instead of the back of the bowl. The basic concept is to sit backwards on the sh*tter. I don’t see that happening unless you take your britches off or rest your feet on the top of the tank and hang on while unloading. The man who designed that style has a sense of humor.

3/27/2008 8:34 AM

Blogger x6718 said...

When we were in the Phillipines (early '80s), we would make sure to go #2 prior to going out on the town, because of the lack of sit down toilets. Supposedly the Pizza Hut had one- it was our emergency backup, so to speak.

3/27/2008 10:55 AM

Anonymous typical BCE said...

of course I did the after charges... by myself, as the only other EM available was on watch. Par for the course.

The most surreal moment was hearing what a dirtbag I was at mast, roughly 2 weeks after those same officers and petty officers appointed over me had just given me a NAM.

3/27/2008 11:08 AM

Anonymous 41 4 freedom E divr said...

I knew that was the answer, figures... That's why I was happy to qualify EDPO and get in the goat rotation...

I bet that same ENG had some non-propulsion related conversations when he was standing his monthly watch back aft.

3/27/2008 11:29 AM

Anonymous CS2/SS Poole said...

Back on the USS Maine we had a FSA that was smashing trash when all of a sudden the crews mess started to smell like S$%^. I mean it was awful! The Stench was overwhelming and everyone is looking around like WTF. Well, the FSA comes out of the Trash room covered in S#$%. Turns out someone had taken a dump in a plastic bag and just threw it in the trash room without taking the care to ensure that it was put in a “wet” can. You can just imagine what a 3000 lb hydraulic ram can do to a bag of wet, stinky S#$%. It was not cool to say the least. I think that Doc had a S#$% fit (no pun intended) considering that it happened so close to the crews mess.

3/27/2008 1:08 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The most interesting toilet I ever saw was the desk outside of the laundry. An electrician standin Electrical Operator, who for some reason couldn't bring himself to ask for a watch relief, relieved himself via a #2 while on watch. Only then did he ask for one. As he was walking forward, he left samples along the walkway throughout the engine room. Later as I was walking down the stairs to the laundry, he was unrolling his poopy suit (no pun intended) and a large piece fell on the deck just as the COB walked up. The COB was speechless as he just stared at it for about ten seconds, before finally saying "What the F*ck is that". I would say this is a "No Shitter" except for that fact that it is true.

3/27/2008 3:30 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mother and I were back in Japan in '90 and of course, she was used to the squatting toilet. Well, she wanted to use the amenities, but her cousin wanted her to use the more modern one in the home. Ok, well, I went first. Nice ordinary
modern style toilet with a couple of little buttons on the side that do certain things like spray water under your chassis to clean and air to dry you off. I could'nt read the words but I did notice it had pictures. Ok, I understood some of it, didn't phase me. Came out, it was my mothers turn. She of course needs her glasses to read. Well, I'm sitting there - no one knows that much english, they're all staring at me and we all hear this high pitch scream as though my mother saw a mouse or got sucked in. We all ran in the back to see what had happened. She said that she thought something was going to attack her. She couldn't read the button she pressed she says and there was a stream of water sprayed on her butt which commenced her screaming frenzy. AH. We all chuckled, sat back down and talked about (not so current) events. Ya, that was a good one.

Sidenote - don't sit on one of them holes if they are on the train, you'll get your ass sucked in. I know, I did it due to no instructions for foreigners and had the hardest time getting my buttcheek out.

3/27/2008 4:15 PM

Anonymous em3 4 life said...

So our SRW was in Lower Level and needed a crap break. So the EDPO comes back and relieves him (this is back when he carried the 9mm) then stands around with the relieving SRW so they can just relieve again when he comes back. A few seconds later, they hear some nasty noises and go forward in lower level and there the guy is, just crapping in the trash can like it was no big deal. Needless to say, he still hasn't lived it down.

@ typical bce, Your eng is a tool and a jackass, I feel for ya. Obviously his buttshark was trying to get screened for command. My eng just walks in and starts talking about he can't wait to get home and get laid.

3/27/2008 9:14 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our eng was "touring" the ER on a 637 class looking for places to clean. He had made his way to the wine cellar below the TGs and emerged, all proud of himself, with a nicely tied green poly bag. Proceeding to the M-Div work bench between the TGs, followed by a small curious crowd, the Eng went to investigate his new found prize. The the Eng's horror, it was, you guessed it, a bag o' $hit. Needless to say, the Eng was hot, so what did he do? His mistake was to actually place orders into the ENOB stating that crew members were not to crap back aft, that they must have a relief to go forward for relief. That sounds great, but when you're P&S and it's 2AM, you ain't gonna wake your relief. It shouldn't suprise anyone that a "mad $hitter" materialized and began making weekly deposits, much to the Eng's dislike.

3/28/2008 4:48 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank god they've started putting heads in the engineroom again. Now all they need is a funnel in maneuvering.

3/28/2008 7:29 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, yes the Phillipines. Back in 79 or 80, was in Angeles City doing community work (ha ha). I had to go #2 at a "place" late at night and they had no TP so those 2 peso notes came in really handy. Glad I had small notes. How many people can say they wiped with money?


3/28/2008 10:23 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

688Sailor says:

I will add the comment about the three funnels in a 688's ER:

1. The ERF funnel, port side next to the condensate sample point
2. The ERLL funnel (MSW bay), starboard side next to the MSW valve appropriately labeled "Flush Valve"....
3. The ERUL funnel behind the shack, right where the still drains were (a BIG funnel).

I seem to recall every chief (including the EDEA) and officer (except for the CHOP, ENG, XO, and CO, but including the NAV and WEPS) use my funnel in ERF. It was the normal place

No comment about trash bags in the ER, but they really shouldn't serve bran muffins underway!

3/28/2008 1:01 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I stood RT, I would just piss in my cup behind the switchboard and dump it down the funnel by the drinking fountain. Then I would get more coffee.

3/28/2008 1:54 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Andy or Craig take the prize. You decide. Andy had a "control" problem. Left a nice present in the tunnel sump on his waqy forward for the relieving SRO to find. Phil thought we had a cat on board. Craig took a dukey in a bucket of water and was in the process of pouring it down a funnel as the EDEA cme down the ladder. Craig poured a little faster, and the dukey flopped out. Instinctively, Craig reched out to catch it. So the MMCM sees the MM3 standing there with a handful of his own crap in his hand. Priceless.

3/29/2008 6:34 PM

Blogger Philip said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8/01/2009 3:23 PM


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