Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.)

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Choke Yourself!

El Capitan reprints a list of "213 Things You Can't Do In The Military". Here's a sampling:

48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that, Cobra' at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range.
54. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

As they say... read the whole thing.

Going deep...


Blogger ninme said...

There's a ag├Ęd hippy who lives on the first floor of the building (due to an odd design quirk, hers is the only ground floor unit in the largest apartment complex in the neighborhood), so she's got all these stickers in her eye-level windows. Veterans for Truth, War Is Terrorism, Bring Our Kids Home Now, and all sort of other sorts of things. When you walk past her open window, she's always got CNN on.

I should print those out and put them up in the mailroom, just to aggravate her. I consider that my ultimate purpose in living here.

4/27/2005 12:06 PM

Blogger ninme said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4/27/2005 1:40 PM

Blogger Bubblehead said...

Does she have the one with the plant that says "War is not good for children and other living things"? There's another quote that Marines like to use that she might like: "Kill something every day, so matter how small or insignificant it may be... it helps maintain proficiency".

4/27/2005 1:44 PM

Blogger ninme said...

No, she doesn't have that one. I think she thinks she does a good job at being "levelheaded" and "reasonable" about these things. Hence the "Veterans For Peace" sticker. She is therefore justified in her protestations: She knows better than the rest of us.

When we first moved in I saw her window once or twice, but didn't really notice till I had to walk past her and this old guy with a white 'n gray ponytail and beard on the way to the mail room. He was standing in front of a car that was parked in front of her window (not a parking space, but okay for loading), which was covered in painted slogans, and had a thing on the top like cabs and pizza delivery guys have? Those triangles? That said something like NO WAR, and he was saying to her that he'd "be in San Francisco by tomorrow" and something about a protest. They seemed terribly intent.

4/27/2005 2:19 PM

Blogger subchef143 said...

SPC "Skippy" Schwartz is my hero. By the way, If you post those in your mail room, consider doing them one at a time. Doing it that way will ensure that you can put up one each weekday for nearly a year. That should send the old bitty into a perpetual tizzy. I'D LOVE TO SEE THAT!

4/27/2005 8:03 PM


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